My apologies to P!nk for ripping off one of her best songs...but that's what I'm feeling right now.
Thanks to everyone for your responses to my post yesterday. They helped me to take a step back. To realize that I don't have to do it all RIGHT NOW. That I can take my time and maybe let it go a little at a time...or all at once. Who knows? What I know right now is that it's time to give myself a break.
So what if I can't let it go all at once and feel it in my soul. God has always been there for me and has always answered my prayers. The fact that He does it in His time and that sometimes the answer is no is what makes me not trust and doubt. Really? Do I always say yes to my kids? Ummmm....no. And why not? Because as the parent it's my job to help guide them to do the right thing...hmmmm.
So what if I can't lose 50 pounds overnight? Maybe I can lose it a little at a time. Or maybe I can't lose any of it. Maybe I'm just doing Weight Watchers to help Brian? If that's the case than I can't think of a better reason to count points and log in everyday. So what if I don't want to be so rigid. I'm 50 freakin' years old...I've earned the right to be a little less rigid.
So what if I didn't get this job or that job. If I'm truly going to turn it over and do what God wants me to do then I have to believe that every rejection, every email ignored, and every awkward interview means, "Nope...not this time girl. Relax...what I have in store for you is AMAZING."
So what if I can't be the perfect AA participant and know everything there is to know before every meeting and walk in like the expert. Ummmm....hey you...the program doesn't work like that. Relax and...wait for it...take it one day at a time.
So what if I've got family issues that I'm trying to work through in recovery. My earthly parents did the best they could with what they had. None of that really matters - I am a child of GOD. You don't get any better birthright than that. Yeah...that's right. Who's your daddy? Um...God...step off son. (This concludes the lame hip-hop portion of this post. You may now return to your normal reading.)
And finally, so what if my prayers aren't rolling off the tongue and giving me the peace that I used to get. Perhaps it's time to shut the hell up and start listening. Anytime God has every spoken to me or made Himself known to me has been in the small quiet moments. I can't hear if I'm yammering on and on. "Be still and know that I am God." Translation...shut up and listen fool.
So what? I'm still a Rockstar!