Friday, April 6, 2012

A Sugar Addict Comes Clean




Sunday is Easter which, in my house, not only means the rising of our Lord from the dead, but the arrival of a fake bunny (that always creeped me out by the way) bringing colored hard-boiled eggs and chocolate...lots and lots of chocolate.

Of course my "kids" are all way past make believe and they all know the special significance of today and Sunday (they were raised Catholic) but I still do Easter Baskets for them and they love dying eggs on Saturday night. 

In years prior to my sobriety, the hubs always made me a basket and filled it with crazy amounts of chocolate.  I eventually ate it all but not in an insane, out of control way...just a little at a time...starting with the ears of course.

The only other time I ate sugar in those quantities was Christmas when I baked and made fudge.  Other than that, I steered very clear of chocolate and sugar because I was always watching my weight and 1) if I ate candy then it took the calories I needed for wine; and 2) the calories were just so empty and there was not enough satisfaction in the eating them.

HOWEVER....

Now it's a totally different story.  I have truly traded one addiction for another and come Monday, it's going to have to stop.

I remember when my dad finally quit drinking for good (because he was dying of cirrhosis of the liver) he began to eat copious amounts of chocolate.  He always had one of those HUGE Hershey bars in his nightstand and in the end table in the living room and throughout the day he would always have a little square in his mouth.  He also started drinking Coke.  Full sugar, all the calories Coke.  It actually made me sick to watch him take in all that sugar, but as long as it wasn't beer...I was a happy camper.

Now I know why he did that.

I am now addicted to sugar and chocolate.  I have traded an addiction to cigarettes and alcohol and shopping, for sugar and chocolate.  I am not nearly as bad as my dad was, but diet sodas taste way better than they used to and I control whether or not the chocolate is purchased - if I don't buy it then I don't eat it.

So now sugar and I have come to the point where we must break up.  I am hoping that we can still remain friends but I'm thinking it might not be possible.  I'm also going to take a break from sugar's family - carbohydrates (the bad kind...from white flour) for awhile and try only to eat the good part of that family going forward - the ones that are more complex.

Here's the thing - I'm not even really sad about this.  I thought I would be but I'm really not.  I know it's going to be hard and that I'll likely be cranky and grumpy for a while but I also know it's really bad for my body both internally (inflammation and potential diabetes) as well as externally (extra weight).  When a relationship becomes toxic (like alcohol and cigarettes did) then it's in my best interest to just go separate ways.

So on Monday I will begin a two week sugar cleanse and then try and introduce only complex carbs back into my diet.  Bear with me if my posts seem to be um...angry, depressed or disjointed...I promise it's temporary.

But first I will eat the ears off all the bunnies in my house on Sunday and not feel a bit of guilt about it.

Happy Easter everyone!

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  ~John 3:16

4 comments:

  1. You're taking another huge step, I wish you good luck and all the best!

    Tomorrow I will eat sweets and have decided to allow myself to snack on sweets or crisps (moderatelly) on Saturdays. If I start comfort eating again then I'll get into one more fasting.

    Happy Easter! *hugs*

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  2. Believe it or not I am doing the exact same thing but decided to start today. I also have an addiction to sugar/chocolate/ice cream and won't even tell you how many bags of those Cadburry eggs I've eaten this season (you know - that purple bag?).

    I was going to wait till Monday so I could keep indulging, but they say it takes 21 days to break a habit and 21 days from today I will be going to see Bruce in concert and want to feel GOOD that night and have my cute jeans fit better. You know we'll drop some pounds by cutting out all these nasty processed carbs and sugar!

    So, we can do this. We will both feel so much better. Feel free to write me any time you feel tempted.

    Shoot, maybe I should wait till Monday.....

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  3. Hey . . . guess what me too!! (no,really)
    I've found myself "evening eating" chocolate. a whole bag of mini eggs last night . . . then feeling sick (and guilty :-(). So I decided that Monday I would start the healthy eating plan.
    I just love waking up and coming to "see" you folks, finding out what's going on.
    As Lou pointed out in a comment at mine "we're all very different, yet all connected"
    I love the differences, the similarities, the connections and the company ;-)
    Happy Eater . . . I mean Easter x

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  4. Wow ~ Despite how much I now know about alcohlism and its "back-up" addictions, I am still always astonished when I see someone else has the exact same pattern as me! My initial wine replacement was ben and jerrys. Replaced that with tea and cookies (emphasis on the cookies). Realized that wasn't good, so moved on to chocolate. My chocolate affair was SO much like my behavior with wine that I decided to give it up for Lent, which to my utter astonishment was successful. But now here I am DYING for tomorrow morning when I can dig in... and totally aware that I shouldn't. I am a sugar addict! And I do believe that as long as I keep feeding my addiction something, I keep it alive. Luckily I am also a serious runner (yes, I know, that's addictive too) so I am super petite, but I still feel very trapped and powerless by these sugar cravings. Please post about your progress! I would love the inspiration....

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