Sunday is Easter which, in my house, not only means the rising of our Lord from the dead, but the arrival of a fake bunny (that always creeped me out by the way) bringing colored hard-boiled eggs and chocolate...lots and lots of chocolate.
Of course my "kids" are all way past make believe and they all know the special significance of today and Sunday (they were raised Catholic) but I still do Easter Baskets for them and they love dying eggs on Saturday night.
In years prior to my sobriety, the hubs always made me a basket and filled it with crazy amounts of chocolate. I eventually ate it all but not in an insane, out of control way...just a little at a time...starting with the ears of course.
The only other time I ate sugar in those quantities was Christmas when I baked and made fudge. Other than that, I steered very clear of chocolate and sugar because I was always watching my weight and 1) if I ate candy then it took the calories I needed for wine; and 2) the calories were just so empty and there was not enough satisfaction in the eating them.
Now it's a totally different story. I have truly traded one addiction for another and come Monday, it's going to have to stop.
I remember when my dad finally quit drinking for good (because he was dying of cirrhosis of the liver) he began to eat copious amounts of chocolate. He always had one of those HUGE Hershey bars in his nightstand and in the end table in the living room and throughout the day he would always have a little square in his mouth. He also started drinking Coke. Full sugar, all the calories Coke. It actually made me sick to watch him take in all that sugar, but as long as it wasn't beer...I was a happy camper.
Now I know why he did that.
I am now addicted to sugar and chocolate. I have traded an addiction to cigarettes and alcohol and shopping, for sugar and chocolate. I am not nearly as bad as my dad was, but diet sodas taste way better than they used to and I control whether or not the chocolate is purchased - if I don't buy it then I don't eat it.
So now sugar and I have come to the point where we must break up. I am hoping that we can still remain friends but I'm thinking it might not be possible. I'm also going to take a break from sugar's family - carbohydrates (the bad kind...from white flour) for awhile and try only to eat the good part of that family going forward - the ones that are more complex.
Here's the thing - I'm not even really sad about this. I thought I would be but I'm really not. I know it's going to be hard and that I'll likely be cranky and grumpy for a while but I also know it's really bad for my body both internally (inflammation and potential diabetes) as well as externally (extra weight). When a relationship becomes toxic (like alcohol and cigarettes did) then it's in my best interest to just go separate ways.
So on Monday I will begin a two week sugar cleanse and then try and introduce only complex carbs back into my diet. Bear with me if my posts seem to be um...angry, depressed or disjointed...I promise it's temporary.
But first I will eat the ears off all the bunnies in my house on Sunday and not feel a bit of guilt about it.
Happy Easter everyone!
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ~John 3:16