Friday, May 4, 2012
Tomorrow is my twins' Junior Prom. They are as excited as boys get about prom which is to say...not at all. They're going because the girls are going and they get to wear a tux - which for them is a very big deal. Other than that, it's just a dance.
For the girls, of course, it's a very different situation all together. The girls are very excited and have in their mind a very romantic view of what the evening will bring. I have tried to clue them in on the fact that the girls will be very disappointed if they don't know the script.
"What script?" #2 son asks.
"The one they have in their head. It's very specific and if you don't get it right they will likely pout and cry for at least part of the evening and you may even ruin the whole prom experience for them."
"OMG! How do I get a copy of this script? When I ask her what she wants, she tells me that if I loved her I would know. It makes me nuts! How the heck do I know what's in her head?" #3 son looks at me beseachingly.
"Ah...my son...I am about to impart upon you the wisdom of the ages. At 17 you may not be old enough to appreciate the significance of it but since you have this whole prom thing coming up...I'm going to share it with you anyway."
"Well - mom - come on! What is it?"
"You will never know what's in her head. You are not a mind reader. Unless she gets to a point where she understands how a man's brain works she will always have unreasonable expectations of you."
"Just shoot me now mom...please." #2 son says...#3 just drops his head into his hands.
"No my sons. As your mother, it is my job to make you good boyfriends and eventually good husbands. I take my role very seriously as you know. Therefore I will give you some insight into a woman's mind. Hang on my children...this may get ugly."
1. She wants you to be BLOWN away by her attire. Even if the dress is the ugliest thing you have ever laid eyes on, I want you to physically be moved when you see her for the first time. Take a step back...look at her appraisingly and smile. Then look closely and comment on the smallest details on the dress. Compliment her hair, her makeup, her nails and her shoes. (Not all at once - spread the compliments over the evening.) At least once during the evening, tell her you've never seen anything more beautiful in your life. Tell her - word for word...write this down you guys..."You are so beautiful you take my breath away."
"Oh come on mom...really? Is this all really necessary? It's just a dress." #3 son says.
"Yeah...and it's just a dance for God's sake!" #2 son chimes in.
I pause and sigh..."Do you want to have a good time or not? Trust me here - if you don't know your script you will be miserable for most of the evening."
2. Sometime during the evening, preferably during a slow dance...don't give me that look - you will have to dance with her...during a slow dance, whisper in her ear how lovely she looks and how glad you are that you came to the dance with her."
"But mom, she ALWAYS looks beautiful to me. She could be wearing sweats with no makeup and she looks beautiful. Why do you all make such a fuss about everything?"
It's my turn to roll my eyes.
"Gentlemen, I am sharing secrets of which most teenage boys have no idea. Have some respect for the wisdom of the ages. Just shut up and listen...oh...you may also want to take some notes."
It's their turn to roll their eyes.
3. Understand that this evening means a lot to her. It's something she will remember all her life second only to her senior prom and her wedding. She may even remember this one more because it's her first real formal. Hold her hand. Keep your arm around her. Comment on little things. PAY ATTENTION TO HER. Do not run off with your guy friends. You may not do any male bonding this evening. This entire night is about her...am I making myself clear?
"Mom - how do you know all this?" #3 son asks.
"Um...well...I used to be a girl you doofus."
"Does this magic of which you speak have a name." asks #2.
"Yes my son...it does. It is known as...romance."