|My dog Pepper. He teaches me a lot about how to deal...he's cool like that.|
I am irritated, aggravated and carrying around a fairly short fuse lately and I have no flipping idea why. I've also been a little weepy. If I were a younger woman, I'd say this was a PMS thing because that's exactly what it feels like. But I'm not a younger woman and I no longer deal with that crap (yay!). So...um...that's not it. Shit.
Still, things are getting on my nerves that don't normally bother me. I'm having to bite my tongue and remind myself to mind my own beeswax and stay in my own lane (choose one or all cliches). And I'm letting my feelings get hurt when there's no real reason for it.
So it's established...I'm in bitch mode. Nothing new there. But how I deal with it...that's a different story.
It still consistently amazes me how self-aware I am now. I actually sat down at my desk this morning and took a minute to examine how I was feeling. Seriously? WTF is that? Believe me when I say that while I will spend all dang day trying to get to the root of your feelings, I have never been one to spend a second worrying about where mine were coming from. Why bother? Just stuff 'em down and move on...and if things get too hairy...self medicate.
Hmmm...how's that working for ya?
So now I'm trying to really feel the feelings and ask myself, "Self...what is the root cause of this feeling?"
Seriously - that's how I talk to myself.
Or I'll ask God. "Hey Dude (notice the capital D) - WTF? What is going on and what do I need to do about it? Better yet Big Guy (again...capitals) - what would you have me do about it?"
And yes - I really do talk to God that way. We're tight...known Him my whole life.
And sometimes I am able to figure it out in pretty short order. Like today I think it all comes down to moving one of my anti-depressants back to the morning and the getting up at 5:30 or 6:00 every morning and working out (I mean really? That alone is enough to piss anyone off.) And the 60 hour work weeks with a co-worker not pulling their weight. Yep...that's probably it.
And the resulting, "What are you going to do about it" has changed as well. I'm just going to ride this one out, exercise a little self care in the form of more sleep this weekend and some "me" time spent practicing yoga and meditation, spend some quality time with my daughter and her kids while they are visiting and just...be.
Now...how's THAT working for ya?
Pretty damn good thank you very much.