The entire time I was writing my post yesterday there was a little voice, way down deep, that kept trying to make itself heard. It came through as anxiety which I addressed with an extended yoga practice. It quieted...but it didn't leave. Until our date.
I choose a theatre that we often frequent because it's seldom crowded and the seats are comfortable and they rock (no...they really rock - like back and forth). Plus, there are a number of little restaurants in the little planned community that are a great place to grab a bite either before or after your movie. It didn't disappoint.
We were early so, after lunch, we decided to take a walk up and down the main street and check out the (mostly vacant) storefronts. It's a really cute location where all the storefronts look like houses in downtown Charleston, SC. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, this particular community never took off. Location, economy, whatever - if it weren't for the theatres I think it would have fallen into ruin long ago.
As we were walking around I looked in one of the windows and said, "This would make a great yoga studio. You don't need much room and I bet you could get one of these cheap."
And that's when I realized that my entire post yesterday was bullshit. That I've been carrying that particular dream around since I graduated from college and realized that I could have majored in English and still have gotten hired by the bank. I could have actually enjoyed my college career. That was the bliss of a 25 year old and it has been hanging over my head making me feel like I cheated myself for 25 years. Wow. Face palm wow.
What I realized is that what I really want to do is to open and operate my own yoga studio. I want to travel to India and study with a real guru and then bring it back to my little corner of the world. I want to become a yoga teacher - a yogi. And I want to do it right- to follow it as a way of life and not just something you do because it's popular or because you think it will help you lose weight. I want to immerse myself in the peace and serenity of true yoga and I want to share it with others.
Then my brain started going 100 miles an hour. I would need capital and someone who was already a yogi to guide me and be a partner in this effort. The business side of my brain kicked in and I started mentally making a checklist of what I would need for a business plan. And although I know this is a huge long shot and that I'll likely never get a real opportunity to do this, I LOVE uncovering what I really want to be when I grow up. I love having a new dream, one born of and seated firmly in my heart.
As soon as I came to the realization of all of this, my anxiety lifted and my heart felt lighter. That's what always happen when I find and release the truth. I could have started skipping if it hadn't been so freaking hot. I laughed it off with the hubs like a "Yeah right...like that's ever going to happen." But in my heart and way down deep in my soul I knew, I had found my bliss and it was time to put a plan in place to follow it.
It's also now time to start praying for God to give me what I need to make this happen. Courage, determination, money (yes, I pray for money). And as I type this I'm watching Joel Osteen talk about praying bold prayers; about asking God for what you need to make your dreams come true. I started this post before his show came on - I had no idea what his sermon would be about today.
I don't believe in coicidence. I belive in God moments. God is just speaking to me the way He does sometimes - and I'm finally learning to shut up and listen.
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."