I think I'm beginning to move forward, away from the tragedy of last Friday (tragedy is a weak word for what occurred). I was actually singing Christmas Carols on the way into work this morning and I'm starting to really laugh again. This was the first morning I woke up and didn't think, "20 children were massacred on Friday." I guess that's moving on.
The fact is...I don't know what I'm supposed to feel or do right now. The only thing I can bring to mind is how I felt during 9/11. But 9/11 was political. It was directed at a country in an effort to bring us to our knees. It was military in nature. The intent was clear. Pearl Harbor came to mind.
But this? That man looked into the eyes of those sweet children and intentionally murdered them.
I've got nothing.
In addition, there are 26 families in Connecticut who are burying their loved ones a week before Christmas. There are friends and relatives who are grieving in unimaginable ways. Parents who are burying their children and who are forced to go on because they have other children who need them. A town that is forever bonded in a way that no one would every choose. Christmas will never be the same for these families or this town ever again. We will move forward and give a prayer or a nod every year on December 14th in remembrance of the tragedy, but they are forever changed. Nothing will ever be the same.
So I don't know how or when it is appropriate to move forward. I don't know what to do. I felt guilty when I caught myself singing. I don't know if it's okay.