But make no mistake, that god damned beast was lying in wait to jump up and bite my ass as soon as I let my guard down. She did it on Saturday...bitch.
|The cake table from Saturday's party.|
Now let's be clear, I know how to handle my cravings - this ain't exactly my first rodeo - but I was so disappointed because it really did put a damper on my fun. Of course, I didn't even come close to picking up. I did however, become hyper aware of what everyone else was drinking...that's where the irony came in...no one was really drinking. Or, I guess a more accurate statement would be that people were drinking like normal people drink at a 40th birthday party to which they drove and brought their kids. Totally foreign behavior. Fascinating.
Of course the bitch then proceeded to hang around all freaking weekend - once she's awake she's hard to put back to sleep. We decorated the house on Sunday and several times throughout the day I thought, "This is when I would have started thinking about that first glass of wine," or "This is when I would have sat to admire my work and had a glass of wine." Not as bad as Saturday evening but still there just the same.
|My downstairs tree - I let the kids decide the lights...they chose the colored LED variety.|
|I love decorating my banister.|
|...and my mantle.|
1. I did not and will not pick up a drink. I'm just bitching because this is the best place to air those feelings. There are people out here who will comment, and support and help to guide me through something like this. And I'll listen because I know they've been there.
2. I said it put a damper on my fun. It, by no means, kept me from having a helluva time at the party. I laughed so hard at one point my cheeks hurt and when we played the video my son and I did for her with her baby pictures and happy birthday wishes from everyone...I cried.
3. My decorations went up on Sunday and my Christmas Spirit is in full swing. In fact, by the end of the day yesterday I swear I could hear my beast singing a very sober version of "Deck the Halls"...off key of course.
4. And, most importantly, my worst day sober is still better than my best day drinking. And that's a stone cold fact.