Pages

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Bits and Pieces



Lots of little things rolling around in my head today.  Big and little things that are cluttering my mind and making it hard to me to focus (or maybe it's just old age...who knows).  Either way - that's why I blog!  See...I'm a purger, the queen of delete, and this is my way of purging, rearranging and organizing my thoughts.

Any minute I will get word that I'm a grandma again.  My nephew's baby mama is giving birth as I type this to their daughter.  They are very young (22) and will face the challenges of all new parents but I can't help but think that this baby is a blessing to the nephew.

While he was here I noticed one thing more clearly than anything else.  Not only did he not feel worthy of the love we have for him, but he has no idea how to love unconditionally.  No matter how hard the hubs and I have tried to instill our love in his heart all these years, my sister used her poison to kill it.  I believe this baby will put God's light and love and thereby our light and love back into his heart.  When he called to tell me they were pregnant (I was the first one he called BTW - yay!), the first thing I said to him was, "You are about to understand just how much we love you."

He doesn't get it.

He will very soon.

He's also been a hot mess since he got back to his "hometown".  He's gotten a DWI and been hospitalized with alcohol poisoning.  I'm going to see them in a few weeks to visit the new baby and I'm carrying a can of whup-ass to open up on him while I'm there.  I'm hopeful that as he falls in love with his daughter, he'll see how important it is that he doesn't repeat the pain of his youth.  But if he's having trouble with this concept..I'll be happy to speed the process along.  That's my job.

On a different note, the hubs and I are having some touchy conversations of late about money. When I was out of work and my severance ran out, we lived on my 401K and credit cards.  Not optimal but, it is what it is.  Debt has a way of sucking the life force from me and causing stress that robs me of any serenity I might manage to claim.  I refuse to go into the next phase of my life with a mountain of debt following me like a 4,000 lb stone around my neck.  Time to do something about it.

That's where the difficult decisions come in - do we just do debt consolidation?  Debt management (which requires a settlement with the credit card companies and impacts your credit score)?  Or bankruptcy?  Which is the best move for us?

Well bankruptcy is not an option.  I'm a banker...they frown on that kind of thing.  Debt management may work because I can add an explanation to my credit report which will help if we ever need a car loan or a mortgage.  I don't give a rat's ass if I ever see another credit card as long as I live.  Of course I'm grateful we had them when we needed them but now that the kids are growing up and moving on...I want them GONE.

I'm leaning toward the debt consolidation thing which will not really lower our monthly outlay much (which is okay really) but it will get rid of the debt in five years vs. 25 and may finally get the credit card companies to lower 25% interest rates down to more manageable level.

Taking control of this is helping to ease the stress so much.  Just like pushing down and ignoring emotions, ignoring the fact that this debt exists and we're not making a dent in it by making minimum payments is chipping away at my sanity and making me emotionally weak.  My recovery has taught me that this just ain't gonna fly.  Time to push back the drapes and shine some light on this motherfucker so it can begin to shrivel up and go away.  I'm praying that God stands with me and helps me make the right decisions on this as well.

Have a beautiful Sunday everyone.  Stay warm (or cool if you're down under) and enjoy your day (even if you have to work like my friend Dawn).  And happy birthday to my new granddaughter, may your daddy love you as much as I love him.

Namaste

28 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congrats on being a grandma again :)

    What you said about having a hard time accepting love struck home for me. I was the same. I simply did not believe that others could love me...I didn't love myself, hell, I didn't even *like* myself, so why would anyone be stupid enough to love me? That was the kind of thinking I had then. And in that, I used to keep people at bay, at arm's length, lest they get close to me. And in doing so, I fulfilled the prophesy of being unlovable. I deflected any positive energy my way, and put those people down. Looking back at that now, it's hard to fathom that I was like that, but being an alcoholic, that is where my illness left me. I was unable to accept what I so freely accept and give now.

    When I had my son, in the throes of my alcoholism, I too felt that I could now start to love unconditionally. And I did, but I still loved the booze more. But now that I am sober, I can fully see and feel the love that a parent has for a child. I finally GET IT. I can see how and why my folks did and said some of the things they did. I am doing the same.

    I truly hope that your nephew can see the gift of pure love that he will be holding soon. It took me time to see it through the haze of alcohol, but I saw it. And I still cherish it today.

    Keep giving that love...it's never wasted.

    Thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Τhe decor on thе insidе of
    the restaurant is absolutely beautiful. I belieνe my exact wоrds ωerе "I don't want to be your dirty little secret. Her father, Bruce Paltrow, produced the critically acclaimed TV series that is considered the precursor to many medical shows today, St.

    Check out my web page; clever pub quiz names

    ReplyDelete
  4. Think about fields that interest you, talents with which you are blessed
    and needs that are not being met to come up with your own list of outside the box job ideas
    self employment. The truth is this isn't aversion education. Dog obedience training is a bit more than trained responses.

    Take a look at my website; metamora dog training academy

    ReplyDelete
  5. One quick and important note: make sure you know the requirements and can get them all accomplished
    for your out-of-state or out-of-country wedding. (Here's the key difference. This site helps you find vendors within your local area.

    Also visit my blog; wedding website album
    Also see my web page > the knot wedding website amanda Isgate and brandon hicks

    ReplyDelete
  6. The oil of oregano, an effective herb is also a natural cure,
    with a high content of carvacol in it being very effective if taken internally every day.
    Nylon underclothing may also cause an allergic reaction
    in some woman. Get the answers you're looking for.

    Here is my blog post :: skin yeast infection and yogurt

    ReplyDelete
  7. Depending on what type of business you have you should build a fan base that consists of your
    target audience. If it is a new product, a gift, the introduction of a
    new group or even the details of the products and services, Facebook provides an easy field of advertising.
    One way of looking at the cost of the purchase of fans for fan pages is whether to
    place an ad, you would have to pay for it.

    Also visit my web page :: www.cos94.com
    My site: Buy Facebook Fans Cheap

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am full of confidence that the majority was concerned with this
    question. You can even conduct market research to
    optimize the outcome of Twitter marketing campaign.

    In this brief post I'm heading to be sharing with you anything I know about this topic, as nicely as the greatest areas to get what you're searching
    for.

    My website increase Twitter Followers
    my website - Buy Twitter Followers Cheap

    ReplyDelete
  9. In this article I will teach you the basics of how to have fun learning your chords by playing out
    of a Fake Book. The sooner you memorize some chords, the easier will
    be for you to perform plenty of styles of music. Once
    you know these scales, in all twelve keys, then you have a very solid foundation on which
    to learn how to play piano chords.

    Here is my site: learning piano chords and scales

    ReplyDelete
  10. There are many sources to choose from that can offer
    simple solutions to the problems you are experiencing with your canine.
    Bond With Your Dog Through Play. Oh, Behave Dog Training
    and Behavior Counseling.

    Have a look at my weblog - hunting dog training articles
    Also see my site: paw law dog training academy

    ReplyDelete
  11. Some were practical, of course, but others were psychological and emotional.
    I believe my exact words were "I don't want to be your dirty little secret. Ask your local club to run this for you.

    Take a look at my web blog ... pub quiz and answers general knowledge

    ReplyDelete
  12. there are lots of family dog web pages which provide totally free information on several
    unique instruction troubles. Be patient with your dog.
    Dog Training Using Praise.

    Here is my web site: dog training and boarding dallas

    ReplyDelete
  13. Play filmmakers, Celebrity Charades Amityville Horror. If
    there are not enough people then make groups of three and a
    group of four. This is done with several teams of children can see and hunt
    for something, we tell them.

    Feel free to visit my website; 1st Birthday Party Ideas
    my site :: 18th birthday party ideas

    ReplyDelete
  14. Despite the fact that planning a event, make sure you take your partner's tastes into account. Clearly say the details similar to day, go out with, time and locale for the event. Shortly after everyone arrived, I gathered everyone around the table to find a rail-air-cloud by activity.

    Look at my web page :: 13th birthday party ideas

    ReplyDelete
  15. For dinner, we went out, but at breakfast
    the next morning we had a donut is great (they had m ''&
    ms on them. Thus, go ahead and approach a great birthday party bash for your partner to
    remember the milestone year from the life. Traditional board games like musical chairs relay, dancing paper, and many others.


    Feel free to visit my web-site :: 16th birthday party ideas
    Also see my web site - 5th Birthday Party Ideas

    ReplyDelete
  16. DJ spins out on Saturday nights. * Team answer sheets - Basically
    a grid lined A4 type sheet with answer write in numbered boxes and a line on top
    for the team name. The food is decent and the
    drink specials on Tuesdays include $2.

    Also visit my weblog: fun pub quiz names

    ReplyDelete
  17. Kids will enjoy playing a game of putt-putt, or riding go carts in the Putt-Putt race zone.
    When they arrived at my home my mother said come in, is yet to be
    completed. (Just don't forget to take some Tylenol for the migraine headache that might result.

    Feel free to surf to my homepage - 16th birthday party ideas
    my website :: 5th Birthday Party Ideas

    ReplyDelete
  18. Depending on what type of business you have you should build a fan base that
    consists of your target audience. Everyone knows that the internet is a global village where it
    is very simple to reach your audience for the promotion of specific business idea, products or
    services. There are many ways of doing this and this article take
    a look at some of them.

    Here is my blog post - brodloff.br.funpic.de

    ReplyDelete
  19. '''. Do not overlook this part of your learning. When you're acquainted with these core 7 keys you can
    start to learn about the black keys (flats and sharps).


    My webpage :: learn piano chords and notes
    Also see my web page - free piano chords And Notes

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hi, this weekend is nice in favor of me, since this point in time i am reading this great informative article here
    at my house.

    Also visit my web page 13th birthday party ideas

    ReplyDelete
  21. Okay, I'll admit I'm a little biased since I am the author of this article.
    There are judges, judging on originality, easy to
    understand what is going funny and timing for each
    commercial bank. Place a different sticker on the back of each guest.


    my web site - 1st birthday party Ideas

    ReplyDelete
  22. The kids will have fantastic fun playing this game, which is really a favorite out of quite a few
    on the more popular kids birthday party games. So if you plan one, here
    are few more birthday games ideas for different themes of birthday parties.

    A big bowl of pretzels, vegetables with dip, crackers and slices of meat and cheese cut into
    shapes using airplane cookie cutter.

    Look into my website 10th Birthday party ideas

    ReplyDelete
  23. Only 1 address, while. Citrus juices help in decreasing the chance of
    bacteria to remain in your dog. With the Easy Walk Harness, if your dog attempts
    to pull forward the straps across the chest and shoulder blades begin to tighten.


    Have a look at my web blog dog training and boarding

    ReplyDelete
  24. Currently it appears like Wordpress is the top blogging platform out there right now.
    (from what I've read) Is that what you're using on your blog?


    My webpage ... kids birthday party ideas
    My web site > kids birthday party ideas

    ReplyDelete
  25. In that case, this kind of question should not be taken from any show telecasted in specific country.
    Local country clubs are offering trivia fun for as little as forty dollars per couple.
    8.

    Stop by my web blog - pub quiz answers and questions

    ReplyDelete
  26. The players would begin as members of the SCA, going to Phoenix for the Estrella War.
    Unfortunately for me as an addict, I need my crime fix. Cranberry studios developed this sequel while publisher
    Anaconda brings it to you in stores.

    Stop by my blog: Map24

    ReplyDelete
  27. You still have to expert all of those other guitar chords so as to engage in very
    easy popular music. Do not overlook this part of your learning.

    Pretend that we are palming an egg and keep your arms relaxed and fingers curled.


    Also visit my site; piano chords and tabs website

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.