Thursday, January 3, 2013

Right Where I'm Supposed To Be



Update on the hubs:  He has, um, well ya see, well...A COLD.  Now, in my defense, it's not your garden variety cold.  It's a chest cold with a lot of that barking cough and crud coming out and...oh shit...who am I kidding...it's just a dang cold.

I don't mind telling you that I was incredibly relieved yesterday when the doc provided the diagnosis, but I still felt like an ass.  An alarmist ass at that.  But I don't care, I'm not going to get caught short again.  Plus, that meant I could go back in to the office today and I don't have to worry about what's for dinner.  I can live with that.

Of course, I'm still finding it hard to get back into a routine.  My bed was soooooo comfortable this morning!  I'm a little foggy headed and I'm finding it hard to focus.  I figure it's because my week started on a Wednesday.  The good news is that I only have one more day this week and then it's the weekend!

Monday is my three year soberversary.  I was musing to the hubs yesterday about it and he asked, "Doesn't it feel good?"  To which I replied, "It feels...normal."

When I quit smoking I went through hell.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.  I thought I would always feel like shit because I could no longer smoke.  It was worth it, I reasoned, to keep my kids from smoking and to keep them from even accidentally inhaling any second hand smoke.  If I had to feel like crap the rest of my life then so be it.  (I'm such a martyr.)

But I was wrong!  (I know...I couldn't believe it either.)  After about a year, not only did I no longer have any cravings but it was hard to picture myself smoking.  In fact, I would think back and it was hard to believe I ever smoked at all.  Who was that woman?  Certainly she was not me!

I am now approaching that state when it comes to alcohol.  It's harder because smoking has become such a no-no while alcohol is still advertised, promoted and consumed EVERY-freaking-WHERE.  But I think back and wonder, "Who was that woman?"  It's hard to believe that I allowed that to happen...it's hard to believe I didn't quit sooner...it's just plain hard to believe.

The reality is that this is exactly where God wants me to be.  I was supposed to journey through the childhood o'dysfunction, on through nicotine addiction, to depression, and through alcohol addiction, to come out right where I am today.  I'm not sure what else He has in mind but I'm sure that whatever it is, I'll come through the other side right where I'm supposed to be. 

Even if it's sitting in a doctor's office paying a $25 co-pay for a young doctor (I've got underwear older that this guy was) to tell my husband to "take two Advil and call me in the morning".

Namaste

4 comments:

  1. It is man flu you'll never understand how utterly dreadful that is! ;-)

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    1. Well, dreadful as it was he was very gracious, allowing me to drag him to te doctor unnecessarily even though he'd rather have stayed home and slept. He's a keeper for sure.

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  2. Who were we? I find myself asking the same thing. The other night in mmabsers chat there was a woman who is struggling to quit drinking and her constant "I can't's" were wearing me down. "JUST QUIT DRINKING!!!HOW HARD IS THAT??????! I wanted to type. I was that woman for 30 years! Really?????

    I'm glad Elmo just has a cold.

    What happened to our Wildcats???

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    1. They had a good season right? One of my best friends and her husband are Wildcats (they both grew up in Kansas) and I'm thinking about doing an online graduate school there so that makes me um...Wildcat by proxy? LOL.

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