Valentine's Day

So we all know what today is...it's the day Hallmark and florists and Whitman's get rich.  Blah, blah, blah.

It also happens to be one of my favorite holidays of the year!!!

I LOVE Valentines Day!  When I was a kid it was because it meant chocolate but after I met the hubs, it was the one day of the year that belonged completely to us.  US as in a couple.  A hopelessly and romantically and passionately in love couple.

Oh...and it also meant I'd get to drink.  Yeah...there's that too.

For once however, the alcohol wasn't the end all and be all of the day because, at my core, I am a hopeless romantic.  If the movie doesn't end "happily ever after" then I don't want to go and see it (even Les Mis ends on a positive note).  Even though Disney has screwed more women and their perception of love than John Mayer, I adore Disney movies because they all end "happily ever after" with an epic score that sticks in my head forever.  I'm just built that way.

So Valentine's Day used to be about a special dinner complete with a lot of wine, a lovely gift, flowers, Godiva and of course...um...well you get the idea.  We also took advantage of many weekend packages at fancy hotels over the years to celebrate.  Champagne, strawberries, king sized beds and bubble baths plus a wonderful gourmet meal...with lots and lots of wine.

Then the kids came along and we settled for a night out with lots of good food and wine and, if the kids were in bed when we got home...um...yeah.

Then my drinking started picking up and it truly became just another excuse to drink...which took all of the romance out of the equation.  I remember wondering why it wasn't like it used to be?  Where was the spark?  Why didn't the hubs seem engaged?  Duh...because he was sitting across the table from a drunk that's why.  (He would never admit that because he is my angel but that's how I see it now.  How dissappointed he must have been.  Oy!)

Now I'm sober.  Hmmmm.  About five years ago, we started a tradition where we'd have a big, fancy Valentine's Day dinner at home with the kids (and whatever girlfriends happened along at the time).  Steak, sparking grape juice, chocolate for dessert.  It's fun and we'll do it again this year. 

But as for the hopelessly romantic, passionately in love part of Valentine's Day...I'm not so sure.  Of course I'm still passionately in love with my mate but, of late, we've not been very romantic.  Let's face it, he's a man so he's happy if I'm happy and over the years I've been able to coax quite a bit of romance out of the guy but unless I'm VERY specific about what I want, it ain't gonna happen.  And that's okay! 

The problem is I don't know what I want.  I'm not sure how I feel about sober Valentine's Days or romance now.  It's just...different.  Without the booze (and the pink cloud of early sobriety) I'm a little lost.  I want the spark and the anticipation and the excitement of a romantic Valentines Day...but I'm not sure what to tell the hubs to do to make it happen.

Sigh.

Oh well.  I just booked our anniversary trip in April.  This year is 30.  We've figured it out this long, we'll figure this out too.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.  Kiss someone today just for the hell of it!

Namaste

And Elmo...if you're reading this.  I'll love you forever...or at least until tomorrow.