Why do other people's moods bother me so?
The biggest reason is that I always assume I have done something wrong. That somehow, I am responsible. And unfortunately, that's just the way I'm built. I'm Italian, I'm Catholic and I'm the product of a mother with a narcissistic disorder - there are days I'm sure I'm responsible for the death of Christ. So someones mood? Yeah...it's probably me.
My boss came back from vacation today. She is not in a good place. Of course my assumption is that I did something wrong which is not true at all. But I'm still sitting here with a knot in my stomach waiting for the other shoe to fall. What I should be doing is leaving her to herself and letting her work out what is obviously HER problem. What I am doing is trying to figure out how to "fix" this so the tension in the office is lifted.
Note to self...contrary to what your mother taught you Sherry...everything is NOT about you.
Then there's the hubs. Every once in a while he gets grumpy. Usually when he's feeling overwhelmed or under appreciated. (Those are my words...not his. According to him he's FINE.) He becomes extremely negative and goes on rants about the silliest things. For example, we were onstage yesterday with the kids for the spring musical and the lighting director announced to everyone that she needed to "go dark" for a moment. Then the lights went out. A second or so later, when it became inconvenient for him to be in the dark, he yelled, "I would if I could get someone to turn on the lights!" Of course she turned them on immediately but damn dude...could you be anymore RUDE?
On Saturday we were on our way to watch one of my twins participate in a state wide choral group. It was on the campus of a local university. I had to listen to the hubs rant about how nit picky the campus police were. Now...I agree that they are nit picky but the negativity the man was spewing into the universe was so draining! Would it kill you to smile once in a while?
Not to mention a tirade last night about how we're paying a fortune for cable and there's never anything on to watch. To which I replied, "There is plenty on TV it's just not something YOU want to see right now." Big mistake, that spurred the tirade to go on for another few minutes.
All of which has left me feeling quite a bit wonky. Like I'm off balance. My stomach is twisty and there is the aforementioned knot. What's troubling to me is why I let this stuff get to me? Why does it bother me so much? Doesn't bother the hubs. When I get like he is now, he just gives me some room, waits for me to get a grip, or tells me my meds need adjusting. He doesn't take it personally. He doesn't feel the need to fix it. He just lets it be unless I ask for help.
The office is the same way. My coworkers (we've all worked for this boss for the same amount of time), don't take her moods personally. They wait until she makes it about them before they make it about them. If it's about her, they just give her a wide berth and wait for her to get out of her funk. Me? Not so much.
I'd like to say this is all about me being a really, really good person and that I just like to spread sunshine and sprinkly fairy dust and roses where ever I go. But really? It's all about me feeling responsible for all the ills of the planet and that's because that's the way my mother conditioned me to be because that's the way her father conditioned her to be.
The good news is that I've raised my kids to think differently. While they are sensitive and caring, they do not think that everything is about them or that someones bad mood is directly related to them. They just think it's a bad mood!
I could learn a lot from my kids.