But all that changed as my drinking increased. My former sanctuary became a place where I retreated to hide, to drink, to isolate. See that little nook where my meditation items now reside? It used to hold an easy chair, table and lamp where I would sit, hour after hour, and drink. Or cry. Or even pray that I wouldn't drink. Or just isolate because I didn't feel the rest of the world wanted me in it.
Bad mojo...really bad mojo. I had fucked my zen to the nth degree.
For the last three years, I've been avoiding my room to do anything except what a bedroom should do - give me a place to sleep and get dressed. It just held too many bad memories. I didn't want to isolate anymore - I wanted to be among the living. I built a meditation room in our formal living room and I used it as a place to go while I healed my heart, my soul and my conscience. For a while my nook was barren which just created more bad mojo. So I moved the hubs' desk up there which proved to be a HUGE mistake; not because it created bad Qi (which it did) but because all the crap that was supposed to go in the desk stayed on my kitchen counter because it was too far to go upstairs and put it away. Again...bad Qi.
But...a girl needs her space. A space with everything she needs in it. My meditation room was great, but it was a big huge space that I was only in for an hour a day now. There was no TV in it, no nail polish, no girly potions and lotions, not even light conducive to reading. It was a single purpose room in a home filed with multi-purpose rooms. Bad feng shui. What started out as necessary to my recovery, had become a waste of space that actually made me feel guilty for not using it (kind of like my formal dining room).
Finally, about a month ago, I decided it was time to take control of my zen, fix the Qi and move back into my nook. Once again, I gathered the forces (my men) and we moved furniture and viola! I have once again captured the "ahhhhh" that has made me love my room for decades. Now, after dinner I go to my room to read, relax, paint my nails, meditate, watch trash TV and...oh yeah..sleep.
Because I sleep the sleep of a sober woman and that is glorious.