I drive myself crazy sometimes...you know? I just wish I would learn to give myself a break and learn some PATIENCE. Over the years (and with the help of some really good meds) I've developed patience for the world and its people that has seen me through some trying times. Not much ruffles my feathers anymore. Most things are just not worth getting all bent out of shape over. I like to cultivate a Zen existence.
But when it comes to me. Ha! I have no patience. I want what I want and I want it now and if I can't make it happen then I'm a total and complete failure to myself and society on the whole. My latest "issue" with myself is my yoga and meditation practice...or lack thereof. For most of the last 90+ days or so, I've only been on the mat maybe once or twice. I moved out of my meditation/yoga room downstairs and returned it to the hubs for his office (which is good because instead of going upstairs to his desk, he was using my kitchen counter as an office). I moved my mat, altar and lifeboard to the nook in our master bedroom. I thought the change in venue might spur some action on my part.
Not so much. About all its done is made me feel guilty about NOT doing it every time I look at it...sitting there...getting dusty. Sigh...
I have a million excuses. It's been too hot (it has). I'm working crazy hours and am constantly tired (that was true until my first Whole30...now I have energy to spare). I should spend the few hours that I have walking the dogs instead of on the mat (they DO need walking - but...um...I'm not getting that done either). I'll do it after vacation. I'll start Monday. Blah, blah freaking blah.
Why is it that the things that are GOOD for us we put off doing? Why do we make it so hard? The bad stuff we jump right into with gusto. Yeah! Give me another glass of wine! I'm not driving! Har har har. Sure, I'll have another piece of cake! YOLO! Let me try some of that fried cheese...it's the fair after all! Mmmmm....pizza...I'm on VACATION!
No problem at all.
But let me think about doing something that I know, for a fact, will reset my hormones, recharge my batteries, bring me closer to God and make me a more centered human and all of a sudden I'm the busiest woman on the planet and there is just no time.
Once again...I'm gonna have to call bullshit on myself. And hit the mat. TONIGHT.
Namaste
PS - Any Whole30 updates out there? How are you guys doing? Any stories to share? I feel fantastic (well...except for the whole yoga/meditation thing).
So, yesterday I ate things like danish. And cake. And also some bleu cheese dressing. And then another piece of cake. And lots of other stuff too that was all Whole30 compliant. I'm all good today except for one dark choc. PB cup. Sooooo, I'm not doing AMAZING at not cheating yesterday and today. But I'm doing OK.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean about not getting on the mat. Gah! I resist it even though I know I will feel deep breath wonderful after in my soul. I'm kind of still feeling like I'm sort of stuck in a bottleneck (but not a wine bottle one gratefully) and that I'm on the verge of a big cleanse of my spirit. I've got some things I'm hanging on to that can be let go. I just need to actually let them go.
We're on for the 12th! Let's email about a plan. :)
xoxoxo
amy
I'm off to SF next week (for the WHOLE week) but I promise to get on our "meet and greet" as soon as I get back.
DeleteWon't be long!
Sherry
Hi
ReplyDeleteDon't be so hard on yourself. Life is crazy and sometimes our excuses are justified. Give it a try again and see if it feels right. If it does then you'll want to do it more and should encourage yourself if not then take a longer break. I did this with running recently, just couldn't get in to it and I usually love it. But I am back now, needed a break, that was all.
WHOLE 30 - I am hurtling towards day 30 (2more days) and have LOVED it.
I have to admti to falling off the wagon a couple (well maybe 3 times) dinner at a friends x 2 and I just ate what I was given, then of course justified the desserts!
But for me, this is huge progress and I hit my six month sober so I really felt I deserved a couple of treats that day.
carrie xxx
I've been loving...
homemade mayo with anything, tuna, eggs, steak, salad
chocolate chilli i have had this sooo many times with crispy salad and chopped olives or jalenpenos on top
jars of roasted vegetables and sun dried tomatoes have been my life savers for jazzing up salad leaves
I have to admit to buying a couple of packs of prawns, calamari dressed with chilli but containing a tiny amt of sugar just beacuse I was being lazy and not because of the sugar
I love roasted nuts and likeyou have to be sooo careful not to eat the whole pack
Ditto for Deri dates
Have been eating a lot of bananas, apples, berries
Have found it expensive, but it's healthy so it is worth it
I will do a full report in a couple of days and let you know how it all went but thanks for inspiring me I feel fab and much slimmer
I will be keepingit up xxx
Ooooo...can't WAIT to hear your update on your progress!
DeleteThanks for the pep talk...maybe I did just need a break.
Sherry
i so get what you're saying here! Why is it that the things that are best for me are the hardest things to do!? Does my brain not want me to be happy? i know for a fact i'll feel better after writing fiction or talking a walk or going to an AA meeting, yet before hand it seems like so much work!
ReplyDeleteWell its a beautiful fall day here and I have several hours before I have any commitments. I want to put my fall decorations out, and go for a walk with Jake (my big pitbull) work out on our weight machine....but here I sit commenting about all that I am not doing! So thats where I am at.
ReplyDeleteAmy said she ate a danish that was whole 30 compliant? How....I want one!!!
I think that was supposed to say "wasn't" compliant. If it's compliant then, like you, I WANT ONE TOO!!!!
DeleteSherry
Lord no, not compliant! Not one single bit. :)
DeleteLol I wondered about that danish too....
ReplyDeleteSherry, you have been such an inspiration to me! How long have you been sober btw? I lost track along the way....
I, like you, want to live a zen life. I've taken meditation class and love it! I told my instructor about something I experienced at the last class and he was amazed that I had already experienced that . ( I was deep in the meditation and saw my son riding a white bicycle....all was beautiful, peaceful and calm. .....I was so content...seeing this white light made me feel heavenly) This is the second experience I've had with the white light.
Anyhow, he asked me how often I meditated between classes, which are once a week. I said none.....I have no time....
He couldn't believe that I experienced that without practicing at home. I just don't have time. I want to hit the mat....and meditation seat I set up in my room. I will tonight, now that I've read this post Sherry. lol
I'm just rambling on today.....
Must be this Whole 30 thing I started two days ago! Holy energy level increase! I feel fantastic. Cravings for sweets and salts are brutal but I'm use to passing them since I've been dealing with alcohol cravings too. I find healthy food to eat or things to do to keep busy.
Can I email you because I want to find out more about how to search for God iin my life. I want to lead more of a zen lifestyle and spiritual life. I have a big feeling you may be the help I need.
My email is forty2rocks@hotmail.com
Thanks Sherry!