Once again I am unable to comment on Blogger posts from my work computer. Last week I could...this week I can't. I wish the IT department would make up it's mind! So again, if I don't comment it's not because I didn't want to...it's because I work for the Internet police!!! ;-)
It's particularly frustrating because I've been clicking my way through some new and interesting blogs of late. BTW, if you leave me a comment and you have a blog, I always click on your name, find your blog, read it (maybe comment IF I CAN) and put it into my reader so I can "read you" on a regular basis. That's the way I've found many of my friends. That and going to other blogs and clicking on their blog roll to see what I can find interesting. Lots of good stuff my friends...lots.
I still scratch my head and wonder about which blogs get loads of comments and which don't. I've never been one to get a lot of comments and I get roughly 100 hits a day or so on my blog. And that's okay...I'm not out here to count stats and worry about who's commenting - when I first started I did...it was exhausting! I'm out here to keep myself sane and sober and if anyone reads and wants to comment...BONUS!!! I've also made some lifelong friends out here folks (DOUBLE BONUS TIMES INFINITY) and I wouldn't trade them for a million hits and 100K comments.
But it still leaves me scratching my head sometimes. Then I get all, "What's wrong with me?" and "What am I doing wrong?" And then I shake my head and kick my own ego to the curb and refer back to the paragraph I just wrote. Sheesh!
Then I wonder if it's time to throw in the towel. Many of the blogs I started out reading no longer post (still missing you Lou). Some moved on with their lives. Some were unable to keep blogging for fear of being found out or "outing" family and friends. Some just ran out of stuff to say. So they signed off, some for good, some to start other blogs. If I have the address I follow the new ones. If not, I just miss them.
And I've thought of all of that. Am I outing family and friends (many of whom read this here blog thing I do)? Have I moved past this whole sobriety thing? (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...oh sorry...Uh...no.) Have I said all I have to say? Well, since I've tried to quit twice (or is it three times) and each time feel compelled to write...I guess the answer to that is no.
I write because it helps to get the crap out of my head and on to the page. My head, like that of many alcoholics, is a very dangerous neighborhood. There is stuff flying around in there that would make me insane (or drink) if I didn't remove it. Since I don't have a pensieve and a wand like Dumbledore, I have to rely on this blog to get it out of my head and onto the page where I can see it, review it, and hit delete if necessary.
I write because I've always wanted to be a writer but I lack one critical component...an imagination and talent. I took a creative writing class once in college and it was...well it wasn't good. I recently found some of my old writing...I cringe thinking about it even now. But on the blog I don't have to worry about my lack of imagination...I don't have to make shit up. It's all for reals yo! (That's for you Annette.)
I write because it makes me happy. Since I am a firm believer in protecting the happy, I will continue to write.
Did I mention I tend to ramble...