Tuesday, January 14, 2014

I Write

Once again I am unable to comment on Blogger posts from my work computer.  Last week I could...this week I can't.  I wish the IT department would make up it's mind!  So again, if I don't comment it's not because I didn't want to...it's because I work for the Internet police!!!  ;-)

It's particularly frustrating because I've been clicking my way through some new and interesting blogs of late.  BTW, if you leave me a comment and you have a blog, I always click on your name, find your blog, read it (maybe comment IF I CAN) and put it into my reader so I can "read you" on a regular basis.  That's the way I've found many of my friends.  That and going to other blogs and clicking on their blog roll to see what I can find interesting.  Lots of good stuff my friends...lots.

I still scratch my head and wonder about which blogs get loads of comments and which don't.  I've never been one to get a lot of comments and I get roughly 100 hits a day or so on my blog.  And that's okay...I'm not out here to count stats and worry about who's commenting - when I first started I did...it was exhausting!  I'm out here to keep myself sane and sober and if anyone reads and wants to comment...BONUS!!!  I've also made some lifelong friends out here folks (DOUBLE BONUS TIMES INFINITY) and I wouldn't trade them for a million hits and 100K comments.

But it still leaves me scratching my head sometimes.  Then I get all, "What's wrong with me?" and "What am I doing wrong?" And then I shake my head and kick my own ego to the curb and refer back to the paragraph I just wrote.  Sheesh!

Then I wonder if it's time to throw in the towel.  Many of the blogs I started out reading no longer post (still missing you Lou).  Some moved on with their lives.  Some were unable to keep blogging for fear of being found out or "outing" family and friends.  Some just ran out of stuff to say.  So they signed off, some for good, some to start other blogs.  If I have the address I follow the new ones.  If not, I just miss them.

And I've thought of all of that.  Am I outing family and friends (many of whom read this here blog thing I do)?  Have I moved past this whole sobriety thing?  (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...oh sorry...Uh...no.)  Have I said all I have to say?  Well, since I've tried to quit twice (or is it three times) and each time feel compelled to write...I guess the answer to that is no.

I write because it helps to get the crap out of my head and on to the page.  My head, like that of many alcoholics, is a very dangerous neighborhood.  There is stuff flying around in there that would make me insane (or drink) if I didn't remove it.  Since I don't have a pensieve and a wand like Dumbledore, I have to rely on this blog to get it out of my head and onto the page where I can see it, review it, and hit delete if necessary. 

I write because I've always wanted to be a writer but I lack one critical component...an imagination and talent.  I took a creative writing class once in college and it was...well it wasn't good.  I recently found some of my old writing...I cringe thinking about it even now.   But on the blog I don't have to worry about  my lack of imagination...I don't have to make shit up.  It's all for reals yo! (That's for you Annette.)

I write because it makes me happy.  Since I am a firm believer in protecting the happy, I will continue to write.

Did I mention I tend to ramble...

Namaste

11 comments:

  1. Get out of my head, young lady!!

    Man, don't know where to start with this. I have been thinking about this thing lately - the state of the sobersphere, the fluidity of it, the comings and going, the tides...it's not the same as when I put my big toe in the water. And I am not sure if that is a good thing or not. Methinks it's good that there are new blogs to follow, new people to "meet", new experiences to read about, new points of view. I also miss some of those who were here when I started, or those who post only once in a while. I wonder how some are doing.

    As for the hits thing...oh dear Lord I have no clue. I stopped trying to figure that out a long time ago. I am in the strange position of being a newcomer to blogs (with my new one now) and not being a newcomer. I am learning this thing all over again at the new place, as it's not a recovery blog. So I am learning to meet and greet with strangers, slowly building a community there. Nothing like what we have here, as what we have here goes way beyond written words. Alcoholism and addiction just breeds a fellowship that very few things do. So in that way, I am already blessed (as you are with your new friendships).

    But just last night I was on a new blog that I recently started following (the only reason I started following it was that I had heard this guy's name used in good circles, and he was very productive with 5-6 posts A DAY and had a gazillion followers) and guess what? I will probably be unfollowing soon. I don't connect with his posts or style, and frankly, it just strikes me as bizarre that he can literally put a shopping list as a post and it would get more traffic than you and I and three other sober bloggers put together for two weeks. Then again, there are some blogs that have fantastic content and have great followers and I am happy to be part of that.

    I have no clue, in other words, Sherry. I think there might be something to a certain charm that eludes me, or some hard work behind the scenes. Right time right place, perhaps. Who knows. There are some fantastic writers in our (not so) little corner of the universe that I think deserve a billion followers. But the nature of our game is that we are a small community, but a fiercely loyal one. What it comes down to is quality and not quantity. If I wanted quantity, Sherry, watch me post nothing but cutesy kitten and puppy pictures and my computer would implode with the amount of traffic. But is it what i want? Nah. Give me what I have here. With you guys. Numbers don't mean much any more. Sure, now and then I get a streak of envy in me, but at the end of the day, when head meets pillow, am I happy? I can say yes. if one person gets something out of what I write...then I am done. And like you, even if I am putting something down in a way that helps me make sense of my world...then I win too.

    Keep 'em coming here, Sherry. We need ya!

    Blessings,
    Paul

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    1. Oh...and thanks for calling me "young" lady. {blushing}

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  2. I'm so glad you write because it makes me happy too, makes me smile. Please continue. Oh and thanks for commenting on my blog!

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  3. oh I got a bit nervous then and thought you were trying to pull the pin (again!).. Phew! Glad you are sticking around lady.. you make my blogosphere a better place to hang out in xxxx

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  4. Sherry, your blog is perfect just the way it is. It is YOU and we all love reading you. Just keep on keeping on.....because I for one am so happy you are here! Yo dude. <3

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  5. I love reading your blog. Glad you're not stopping any time soon.

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  6. I love your ramblings, your writing is real and makes it easy to feel a sense of connection. Please don't disappear! I'd miss catching up on your posts :)

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  7. I think all of us that have blogged awhile are in the same place, what do we have left to say? I remember when I was first brave enough to start looking around the internet for help with my drinking problem, I couldn't find any blogs about people that were still going through the struggle, all I could find were blogs written by people that had been sober for years. Ugh, I didn't want to read that and how happy their lives are now, I wanted to read about how to get there. So I struggle too, but I write and I no longer check the stats or try to pimp my blog, I'm happy with the comments from my old friends and I admire you for going out and continually making new ones. You're the kind of girl I loved to hang around with in school, the one that was outgoing and brought new people into the circle, left to my own means, I'd be eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich by myself in the lunchroom. Love you!

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    1. Ok, I was lying just a little about not checking the stats. ;)

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  8. No lie, I attempted to comment this morning, however was unable to from my phone. Which is where I read most blogs, most mornings. I have double trouble trying to comment on Blogger blogs, and on wordpress often I 'like' a post just because I read so many and am short on time. Or maybe I just get tired of hearing my own self-important comments (like this one!) or I get the feeling that the writer is writing for their own reasons and, sure, loves comments, but I don't really have anything to add. Really, the main reason I don't always comment is because I can't figure out how to do so on my phone. And nothing is harder than spilling out your heart and hearing crickets. I get it. xoxo

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