I hate waiting. I've never met anyone who actually likes waiting but I really hate it. I'm just not very patient when it comes to getting things that I want. I'm sure that has something to do with why I became an alcoholic but that's likely another post entirely.
Right now I'm waiting to hear about a job that I really, really would like to have. Partly because I need to get back to work for a company in which I can put down some roots and begin to rebuild a career (right now I'm consulting which is a "proper" way of saying temp-ing) and partly because this particular opportunity would offer my family a level of financial security we haven't seen since I got laid off 3 years ago, and mostly because it looks like a crazy good job that I could actually have fun doing.
I had what I think was the last interview yesterday and now I sit here waiting...waiting...waiting. Okay - so I know it hasn't even been 24 hours but I've been turned down for so many jobs in the past 2 years that I just want to KNOW. Do you want me or don't you? Can you see that I'm perfect or did I screw up yet another interview and you've decided to go with someone else? And oh, by the way, while you're at it I'd like you to jump up and down and proclaim from the rooftops that I'm the best candidate you've ever seen and you'd be a fool not to hire me and oh MAN are you lucky that I'm available!
Or you could just call and offer me the job - that would do as well.
I keep telling myself that if it's God's will then I'll get the job and if He has better plans for me then I won't. I keep telling myself that I have to have FAITH and TRUST that He has a plan and that good things are coming my way. I keep telling myself that...wish I could actually believe it.
Okay - I mean I really DO believe it. But when you're waiting like this or when you get the call that you've been turned down...again...it's hard to hang in there. But that's where the faith and trust part come in isn't it?
"Jesus said to him: ‘You believe because you can see me. Happy are those who have not seen and yet believe." ~John 20:29
So I'm just going to keep praying for His will to be done and keep hoping that THIS time it matches my will and if it doesn't...well then I guess I'll just keep right on believing.