Thursday, March 29, 2012

I'm dreaming of a...glass of wine???



Last night I dreamt I was drinking.  Not the first time I've done this and it won't be the last.  I have really crazy dreams, in color, often.  Even when I was drinking I had crazy dreams.  Well...not at the end...then I just passed out and slept the restless sleep of a drunk.

The same thing happened to me when I quit smoking.  I dreamed of smoking for years and would wake up so angry with myself for smoking before I realized I was just dreaming.

My usual neurotic dream is that it's the last day of college and I have to take an exam for a class (usually math) which I haven't attended all semester.  Oh and I can't find the classroom.  And...oh yeah...I'm in a very short nightshirt with no bra (believe me when I say that this would NOT be good) - or some derivation thereof.

Now I get to add having a glass of wine to the above mix of dreamology.  Last night I dreamt (dreamed?) I was on a business trip and my husband was there as well...apparently he had a business trip in the same place which is odd because he's a retired, stay-at-home dad. 

Anyway, at some point I became a valet and was parking cars for the hotel but when I went to get into the garage to retrieve a car it was the parking lot for the bank I'm trying to get a job at AND I didn't have the right code to get in. Finally I just went back to our room and poured myself a glass of pink wine (I haven't had pink wine since the 80's) in a wine glass which then turned into a champagne flute.  Wait.  What?

My dreams are always like this.  Stephen King says that dreaming is how your subconscious vomits. (Nice huh.  I love Stephen King.)  If that's the case then my subconscious needs to go on a diet. 

So now, every so often, I dream that I'm drinking.  Always wine and always in some chic chic situation which is "oh so proper".  I guess that's my subconscious way of making it okay to suck down the booze.  Or maybe that's the way I would like it to be. Or maybe that's the idea of drinking that I carry.  What...ever. 

The important thing is that I no longer wake up longing for a drink.  Now I wake up PISSED!  In fact, many times I get angry in the dream and I start yelling at myself (cause in dreams you can do that you know) and I snatch the drink away from myself and pour it down the drain.  Last night I just drank it and thought - hmmm - this is doing absolutely nothing for me and I don't need the calories and oh by the way now I have to start all over AND get my tattoo redone...shit.  Progress right?  Who the hell knows.

What I do know is that I was very, very relieved when I woke up and realized that not only did I not drink but I did not have a hangover, my tattoo was in tact and I didn't have to face my kids and tell them I fell off the wagon right before getting back on and going through all that hell again.

And when I said my prayers this morning I was extra, extra grateful that I was, by the grace of God, still a recovering alcoholic.

2 comments:

  1. "I don't need the calories.." LOL I don't drink, just have never liked it, but sometimes if I'm offered a beer, wine, etc. my first thought is always "the calories."

    Kinda weird though, most alcoholics are skinny. They must not eat much, or their bodies don't metabolize right?

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    Replies
    1. I guess. I must have not gotten that far - even drinking I've never been skinny. :-)

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