I had a shitty day yesterday. Sorry to be so vulgar but that's the only way to describe it.
First I fell in the parking lot at work. Totally sober, no phone usage involved at all. My heel caught in a small pothole and down I went. Scraped up both knees pretty bad, tore a hole in the knee of a good pair of dress pants (and I only have 4 pair!) and dropped my phone. The only thing I was really worried about was the phone and it was fine (silver lining?) but I was bruised, battered and bloody and it was only 9:00 am. My ego wasn't doing too well either...
Then I found out that a job I had applied for and was looking forward to an interview for was WAY below my paygrade and that I was grossly overqualified for it. THEN my boss at my contracting job told me not to come in except when there are meetings. So today I'm back in my home office (which is fine actually). Sigh....
Of course now that I'm typing it, it doesn't seem nearly as bad as it all felt yesterday. Hmmm....
Anyway, I went home yesterday in a very crappy mood and proceeded to adjust my attitude. First, there was chocolate waiting courtesy of my husband - yes ladies...he's a keeper. (Of course I had also stopped on the way home and got some just in case. I'm not stupid you know.)
Next I took the dogs for a long walk where I examined exactly what I was feeling (frustration seemed to be the key followed closely by feeling like a failure to my family because I couldn't find a full time job with decent benefits for them). Then I took in a deep breath and visualized blowing all of the crap out of my body and not letting it back into my heart (many, many times).
Then I prayed.
I prayed for God to keep me patient so that I could do His will and not mine which is a new concept for me and one I'm having a little trouble embracing as completely as I should. Thank goodness He's patient.
I prayed for God to keep my ego in check and not let me get too big for my britches.
I prayed for a sale so I could get more britches.
I prayed that I could provide for my family in the ways that are important. Like adjusting this attitude so I could go home and love on them and be present for them.
Then God answered. I remembered a comment my daughter made on my Facebook page yesterday that said, "Hey, I was looking at your picture on this timeline...how does it feel to be the caregiver to 11 kids?...you do a pretty bomb ass job!" Now, I have no idea what bomb ass means but I get the context. (You see Lord - I do listen from time to time.)
By the time I got home my head had been screwed back on straight and I was infinitely better. I told my family I wanted to be taken care of and babied for the rest of the evening and then I sat my ass down and played with my iPad. Take THAT crappy day.
And the best part? Not using a day like that as an excuse to stop by the grocery store and pick up two bottles of wine and then go home and open one early and feel totally justified in getting totally shit-faced just because I had a bad day. Then wake up the next morning in the same bad mood but now with a sour stomach, headache and no memory of the night before...
Oh yeah...I love my new coping skills. And I love the people who love me and help me use them.
And if I haven't mentioned it lately - Yay God!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." ~Jeremiah 29:11-13