Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Still craving...sigh...

I love Calvin and Hobbs.

Oh for the love of all that is holy - when will these damn cravings stop!  I promise that I'm excited about this journey...I really am but...seriously?  These cravings are killing me! (Atkins said they would leave after 4 days...Lou said 4 weeks...guess we know who's NOT blowing smoke up my ass.)

I've been feeling REALLY good since last Friday.  Lots of energy, renewed focus, no hunger (in fact I have to remember to eat), no crashes, no yawning and getting sleepy during the day, and only a few, breathe deeply and they go away, cravings.  I didn't even mind the scale doing it's little yo-yo thing instead of going down everyday.  This ain't my first dance with the scale...it's just a number.

And I am almost completely out of pain for the first time in probably five years. You have no idea what I've been through with my body (okay - maybe you have a little idea since I tend to bitch about it here from time to time).  The alcohol and carbs actually created a Rheumatoid Arthritis scare a few years ago.  The inflammation in my body was so bad I could barely move.  I can remember sitting in bed trying to pick up a wine glass and having to use the wrists of both hands to pick it up and drink it...um...yeah...that was  hard to admit.  I saw lots of doctors and got lots of pitying looks.  I Googled the hell out of every symptom.  Eventually the really bad symptoms went away as fast as they came.

But even after it passed and I quit drinking, I spent two more years dealing with pain.  I wasn't sleeping because my hips and legs hurt so bad.  Advil and Advil PM became my best friend...not to mention my old standby Excedrin. 

I thought I had fibromyalgia.  The doctor's mentioned Lupus.  When I learned I had Psoriasis, I concluded that the pain must have been a Psoriatic Arthritis flare.  (Told you I was Googling.)  No matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep up any kind of exercise routine (not even yoga) because the recovery from just one day was too much.  I was so depressed because I couldn't figure out what was causing it so I couldn't make it stop.

Two words...sugar...booze. 

I am now virtually pain free with energy.  Cardio here I come.  I'm dusting off all my Kathy Smith and Karen Voight DVD's (and tapes...yes I still have tapes) and I'm going to SWEAT.

If I could just stop the CRAVINGS... They came back yesterday with a vengenance and it's pissing me off.

I'm working on 20-25 carb grams a day for now.  It's REALLY low because this is the detox phase.  I only have six more days in this phase.  This is the part where I usually quit.  This is the part where I start second guessing why I'm doing this.  This is the part where I start rationalizing. 

This part and I have met before.  We are well acquainted.  We used to be best friends.  We are now mortal enemies. (And I do mean mortal cause this shit is going to kill me.)

Recognizing it and knowing it doesn't make the fight any easier.

Sigh...I'm done whining for now.  I only have one more thing to say.

Fuck you carbs.  (That's for you Lou...and me.)

6 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you're writing about this. I can only ask myself: WTF (why not what) can't you get it together and stick to eating no sugar and no carbs? I'm not even trying! AND I HAVE HAD THE PAIN YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT FOR YEARS! I was diagnosed with Fibro about 10 years ago and suffered both physically and mentally. Lying in bed at night still hurts my legs, but my symptoms have lessened quite a bit.

    Just keep doing what you're doing and I am going. My therapist things I'm fearful of being thin again that I use this layer of fat to insulate myself from the world (mostly men). I know all that shit but .... I don't know. I just feel hopeless in this one area of my life.

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  2. Wow... I am amazed of your persistance and strength in your battle against the cravings. That is true power - it says everything about your remarkable character.

    Hang in there, six days to go - you can do it!

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  3. Sherry,
    You must be so happy to not be in pain any more, pain makes a misery of life.
    You've come so far and you're mighty!
    You can do anything you set out to do, I'm impressed x

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  4. YOU INSPIRE ME!!!!! As soon as the graduation cake is gone I will be detoxing. The benefits sound wonderful!

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  5. I think what you are doing is phenomenal. I find this post to be fascinating. This whole sugar thing. It is so hard to kick. I just had some birthday cake with real fudge icing and I went berserk on it because I was stressed out. Now I am gravely I'll. You're in a better place. I am going to go back and read you sugar post and hopefully get inspired to do what you're doing.

    You DO rock, Sober Mom!


    XO

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    1. That was gravely ILL. Damn auto correct.

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