|My little cottage on the water...one day...|
School starts next week here in my neck of the woods. My oldest will be starting his second year of college at a local community college (due to the disaster that was his last semester) and my twins will be seniors in high school.
I've been trying for awhile to process what this means to me without much success. I'm not sure if I've stuffed all the feelings down or I just don't have any. I feel...ambivalent. That can't be right...can it? Aren't I supposed to be all whacked out and teary because my babies are going to graduate from high school next year? Shouldn't I be planning to redecorate their rooms? Shouldn't I be losing my mind because I'll have three in college at the same time.
Well...I'm not doing any of those things and I think I know why.
First, these are amazing young men. They are kind, considerate, honest to a fault and trustworthy. (No...they are not and never were Boy Scouts because I don't agree with the Boy Scout's position on gay scout leaders.) They are responsible. Plus...they will be living at home. I won't be getting rid of them for at least a couple more years.
Second, I've never gotten very teary about high school graduations. Preschool? Cried like a baby. Kindergarten? Cried like a baby. Middle School? Sniffled. High School? Dry eyes.
The more I see how they are growing and what great people they are, the more I know that I'll never lose them. They're mine. God lent them to me and their father for as long as we inhabit the planet. We have a wonderful relationship with all six (okay...five) of our kids. They want to be with us.
And we want to be with them.
I know there will come a time when there are just too many adults in the house. It happened with my daughter. She left for college a teenager and came home a woman. It was a little...weird. It didn't take her long to feel the need to be on her own. It kind of happened organically and I was ready. She was the first to leave the nest . I hope I'm ready for the last to fly away also.
Maybe the hubs and I will just buy a little cottage on the water and leave the boys in the house. That may be the easiest way. They can take over the mortgage and move their spouses in when they get them. Cause let's face it, I'll still be underwater in the mortgage so they won't be able to sell it.
The other thing is that I'm having such a good time watching them navigate their high school years. Since they've never had an option about college, they're just moving from one school to another. It certainly wasn't that way for the hubs and I. In my senior year I was working part time, planning a wedding and trying to find a full time job so I could go to college at night. The hubs was planning his wedding and preparing to go to Vietnam. It's fun to watch it the "Leave It To Beaver/Father Knows Best/Ozzie and Harriet" way.
There just isn't any sadness. Nostalgia..oh hell yeah! I miss having little boys running around the house spreading mayhem and mischief. But it hasn't been that way for about five years now so I'm kind of conditioned to it. But I'm not sad. I'm actually happy and excited to see how all our hard work is going to turn out.
So here's to looking forward and not back. To children with careers and lives of their own who want to come home and hang with the 'rents. And to me and the hubs in our little cottage on the water that's only about 15 minutes from my highly successful yoga studio.