Monday, September 10, 2012

Make Way...It's a New Day


Dump Cake
I am so much better today than I was Saturday evening or yesterday morning.  Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment and provide encouragement in the midst of my temper tantrum.  I really do appreciate them all.  It feels so good to have support (from people you have never even met but feel like you know...intimately) and it does make a difference in this journey - whether it's through recovery or weight loss. 

The weather has been glorius since yesterday morning and that has helped to heal my mood as well.  As soon as I got out of bed yesterday, I opened ALL of the windows in my house.  I ignored the cobwebs behind my curtains that had take up residence because my windows haven't been opened since early May.  The fresh air circulated through my house and, when coupled with the sunshine and a long walk with the dogs and one of my boys, I was me again by afternoon.

I did eat real food yesterday though...the lingering remnants of my tantrum demanded it.  We cooked on the grill so I had a hamburger on a real bun with ketchup and sweet relish and a side of cucumber salad (cucumbers, tomatoes, red onion, vinegar and water - no mayo).  Not too bad, right?  Wrong - I ate a huge portion of my friend's "dump cake".  It was good but I overstuffed my stomach and was up most of the night with reflux.  That's what I get for cheating so bad.

Here's the thing.  I behaved the same way I would have when I was drinking or smoking.  There is no moderation for me when it comes to things that are "bad" for me.  I had already had several bites of the cake while we were waiting for dinner (she wanted us to taste it after all) so when it was time for dessert, I should have passed.  But see, the monster had already been awakened by then and, as usual, she was still hungry so I had more and made myself miserable in the process.

This is a familiar place for me...miserable because of something I regret doing. 

What I need to do is what I used to do before I lost "control".  Just stay the hell away from that stuff.  I know it's possible because I spent all of my twenties and thirties doing it.  Of course I was still smoking and drinking then so I guess the willpower was going to food instead.  Now I don't have either of those - this is my final frontier.

Beam me up Scotty.

Namaste

8 comments:

  1. the cruelness of that dump cake picture cannot be overestimated. now i'm starving!

    i wonder if the eating and eating more is more of a compulsive thing (like once it gets started it doesn't stop), and if you could do something else compulsively it'd help distract you. i'm really reaching here :) like bouncing a ball or going around the room and cleaning up 12 things. something that requires physical movement, however small. well, what the fuck do i know, it sounds like it might work. i'll try it myself after dinner when it's cake time and we'll see ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL!!! It's definitely a compulsive thing and I may just give your idea a shot. Who knows? It might work and then you'll be famous!

      Sherry

      Delete
  2. So, did your 1.2 pounds turn into 1.3? =)

    I have NEVER had dump cake as far as I know - and I've had some calorific cakes!!! Sounds good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to tell you Sherry - your response yesterday cracked me up!!! It was so nice to laugh about it so thank you.

      And no, I definitely DO NOT want those 1.2 pounds back. ;-)

      Sherry

      Delete
  3. I'm not diggin' that Dump Cake, but I'm loving the Delftware bowl. It's yummy!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Give me an endless bowl of lightly salted warm tortilla chilps with a good salsa and I'm done. Puff puff - POP

    I don't do sweets. I'm weird that way.

    Oh, but a warm loaf of aseago at Pinnera'
    POP POP POP

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm a chips and dip girl me but I must admit to having sugar cravings at night recently. Not good, not good at all. It's definately emotional, stressed from my MA and eating badly as a result. Not sure how to stop this one. Sometimes a big mug of green tea suffices ...?! xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. All too familiar here with "feeling miserable because of something I regret doing" Hey ho . . . It's nice to know we're not alone, even in our misery. That sounds wrong but you know what I mean, and if I keep re-commenting until it sounds right, I'll be here all day.
    Love and hugs to you Sherry x

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.