Sometimes I get jealous. Or maybe it's envious. I'm never sure of the difference between the two. Either way, it's not an attractive emotion and I don't like the way it feels. I'm so freaking blessed that I have a very hard time when that feeling comes over me.
But come over me it does from time to time - and instead of drinking it away, I now have to deal with it.
Right now I'm feeling a little envious of some of my colleagues and friends and where they are in their career vs. where I am. Like I said...not exactly attractive. It's just that before my lay off I was in a senior role with a fancy title that I was more proud of than I actually thought. Now? Not so much.
Then I stop and think (I know...it's new for me too) and I realize that I am right where I need to be. Then, being the over analytical person that I am, I do a little analyzing.
- Point #1 - I sought out this role when it became available, not necessarily because of the actual job but because of the company and the people. They are amazing.
- Point #2 - I am happier now when I get up and go to work than I have been in many, many, many years. (Of course...waking up without a hangover really helps.)
- Point #3 - Most of those other friends and colleagues that I referenced, have feelings about their jobs/careers that range from "It's okay", to "I dread going to work", to "I want to throw up every morning before I go to work".
- Point #4 - I earn a decent salary with great benefits for doing this job and really, there isn't enough money to make me do some of the jobs that those friends and colleagues do. Okay...there really is probably enough money but I'm not pursuing it.
- Point #5 - I'm still not really sure what I want to be when I grow up. This position gives me the opportunity to have an impact on a team and, at the same time, have some flexibility to explore other things. Things like writing, or going back to school (they have tuition reimbursement), or counseling or...whatever.
Wow! When I look at it like that, I am definitely right where I need to be. I should probably just shut up and get back to work.