Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Right Where I Need To Be

Sometimes I get jealous.  Or maybe it's envious.  I'm never sure of the difference between the two.  Either way, it's not an attractive emotion and I don't like the way it feels.  I'm so freaking blessed that I have a very hard time when that feeling comes over me.

But come over me it does from time to time - and instead of drinking it away, I now have to deal with it.

Right now I'm feeling a little envious of some of my colleagues and friends and where they are in their career vs. where I am.  Like I said...not exactly attractive.  It's just that before my lay off I was in a senior role with a fancy title that I was more proud of than I actually thought.  Now?  Not so much.

Then I stop and think (I's new for me too) and I realize that I am right where I need to be.  Then, being the over analytical person that I am, I do a little analyzing.

  • Point #1 - I sought out this role when it became available, not necessarily because of the actual job but because of the company and the people.  They are amazing.

  • Point #2 - I am happier now when I get up and go to work than I have been in many, many, many years.  (Of course...waking up without a hangover really helps.)

  • Point #3 - Most of those other friends and colleagues that I referenced, have feelings about their jobs/careers that range from "It's okay", to "I dread going to work", to "I want to throw up every morning before I go to work".

  • Point #4 - I earn a decent salary with great benefits for doing this job and really, there isn't enough money to make me do some of the jobs that those friends and colleagues do.  Okay...there really is probably enough money but I'm not pursuing it.

  • Point #5 - I'm still not really sure what I want to be when I grow up.  This position gives me the opportunity to have an impact on a team and, at the same time, have some flexibility to explore other things.  Things like writing, or going back to school (they have tuition reimbursement), or counseling or...whatever.

Wow!  When I look at it like that, I am definitely right where I need to be.  I should probably just shut up and get back to work.



  1. Don't forget your yoga studio. On one of the message boards today a member posted that she felt like she was back in sixth grade because her enthusiasm and interest were at that level, I feel the same way. I want to be a ballerina, neurosurgeon, children's author who dabbles in watercolors and is a gourmet cook.

    Why the heck not?

    Ok, maybe I'll skip the ballerina gig, my knees are shot.

    1. OMG! My yoga studio! How in the hell could I have left that out? I'll tell you how - I've been neglecting my yoga since B got sick but I was in my room last night and it was nirvana.

      And OMG! What the heck is it about knees? Mine are shot too! You would think God would have made that part of the anatomy a little stronger considering all it has to do.

      How about you open a gourmet restaurant with your own personal watercolors on the wall next door to my yoga studio?

      Sounds like a plan to me!

  2. No violins playing over here - sorry dear!!!! Though,, by the time you took your dilemma and applied "self-talk", you had yourself remiss of envy,,

    I'd like the sympathy though, if you could muster some up! I'm starting a NEW career at my fragile age, no less!! And in no way will I make what I was making in the medical field. But this fragile old age of mine has taught me that I don't care about the money, status, title, or even accrued vacation time. I care about suffering addicts. .

    Now, that is not to say that I'll find contentment in the amount of education I have. More college is certainly in the picture. If I could do a repeat though, which is to say, if I knew then (20's) what I know now , , I would be a Forensic Psychologist, originator of a co-op garden, and a level 4 knitter!!

    Saw ortho doc last week. B/L knee replacements are in my near future. Cortisone injections are reportedly going to sustain me for a while. I'm not a believer. OWCH,, ya, wth??

    1. Oh I would so love to do what you fabulous to follow a passion like that. But, like teaching, I just can't afford to take the pay cut.

      And that's a damn dumb shame.

  3. You do sound like you are in the best place you could be right now. You are lucky. I still don't have the passion about the job - with me I'm not sure if that is the job, the organisation, the fact I'm much closer to retirement than the start of my career or simply me being an ungrateful git! Probably all of the above.

    I certainly am not envious or jealous of others with the "big job"... A friend organised for some of us to go to a gig - he couldn't come, too busy flying to Switzerland etc. Shame the gig was brilliant and the company great too. I know who gained the most.

    Oh yes - what exactly do I want to do when I grow up. I'll figure that out once I've retired I think ;-)


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