Monday, October 1, 2012

Live From New York...




This morning was filled with promise for a wonderful day.

Then I walked into my meeting room and discovered that, over the weekend, someone had shattered the glass door.

Not good - lots of shuffling and confusion to get everyone rescheduled and moved to a different room.  Plus I cut my finger trying to brush off what I thought was sugar and what turned out to be glass slivers.  Ouch!

You know what is also not good?  Being in a new job, working with new people, and learning whose ass I should be kissing and who I can tell to go pound sand.  Oh - and not having any credibility with people - that is also not good.  People around here don't know me from Adam (who IS Adam anyway?) and it doesn't feel very good.  I'm used to not only having credibility but wielding power.  Today someone had to step in and wield her power and I felt...to use a phrase from my blogger friend over at The Act of Returning to Normal...inadequate.

And I didn't like it.  Not one little bit.

And what did I do?  I got defensive with her when she tried to explain how it's done here.  Yeah...um...how's THAT working for ya Sherry?  Of course it was a nanosecond AND I apologized but I hated that I felt that way.  It tells me I still have a stupid ego that doesn't know when to shut her stupid mouth.  Sigh...

So tonight I'll leave here and put on my walking shoes and check out New York a little bit.  Then I'll grab something to eat, go back to the room and watch Castle.  I'll suck on some cough drops to help my scratchy throat and take some Excedrin for this headache that is threatening to turn into a migraine.  Then I'll get a good night's sleep.

And tomorrow will be a better day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear God -

Could you please help me to shut the hell up, to think before I speak and to not take things so personally?  Also, when I do put my foot in my mouth, would you help me to LET IT GO once I've made amends?

That would be really, really good.

Thanks,
Sherry
AKA SoberMomRocks


Namaste

3 comments:

  1. I totally get that. So timely that I read this post. I've been exploring options of returning to an area of my career I left years ago, which requires updating a credential and dropping DOWN a few levels in title/prestige (but all for peace of mind and a more meaningful job!) So, I'm emailing the gatekeepers of these programs who are sending replies with a bit of a holier-than-thou tone. Since I've spent over a decade at far higher levels than these folks, and since I'm an alcholic in recovery, my instinctual response is "Okay people, let me tell you who I am." Omg how much of an ass can I be?! It's become clear that if I have even a remote chance at succeeding on this path, I need to do some serious ego-shrinking ~ which I suspect is never a bad thing.

    Thank you for your post ~ so super helpful. In the meantime, enjoy new york (my own home-sweet-home and land of the most wonderful AA meetings!)

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  2. I was in the same position this summer, it's hard but it also showed me what a stick up the ass judgmental person I can be sometimes. That hurt.

    Enjoy the city.

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  3. i love your note to god. if you could get him to cover all of us, too, that'd be swell! i find there are some days where i Just Can't Speak At All (or what i say will Definitely be Defensive Bullshit). Husband will be like "what's up with you?" and i'll just shrug, i actually will not speak. just in case i get myself in trouble....

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