Saturday, April 20, 2013

One Simple Question Saves the Happy

It's no secret that I've been struggling lately with my beast.  Something woke the sonofabitch up and it's been making noise.  If I had to guess, I'd say that the culprit is likely complacency...that little bitch that hangs around, strokes my hair and whispers in my ear that "every little thing gon' be alright".  (She sounds a lot like Bob Marley.  I'm a child of the seventies after all.). But the noise my beast is making isn't even close to a roar.  It's more like an annoying little whine and if you know anything about me at all, it's that I detest whining.  I find it grating and annoying and it pisses me off.

Yep...that about sums it up.

So on the way to our anniversary weekend celebration (love me some Ritz Carlton...especially when it's free thanks to Marriott you JW), I started telling the hubs about the beast and how much it's pissing me off.  He asked a simple question, "What is it that you miss?  Do you miss the taste or the experience?"  My husband possesses the unique talent of being able to cut through the crap and get right to the heart of the matter.  It's one of the things I love most about him.

But instead of answering the question, I said, "I'm not sure but I can tell you what I don't miss.  I don't miss the noise.  And I love the peace.  I know that while one sip of a cold Chardonnay would likely not get me going again by itself, what it would do is turn that beast from an annoying, mewling little brat to a dangerous and very loud animal.  The incessant, constant dialogue would begin in my head immediately and I truly believe, with all my heart and soul, that it would, finally, drive me stark raving mad."

And with that, the beast fell back to sleep, peace returned to my head and the happy was safe once again.




  1. Elmo's got him some groupies, including me! I've been having those thoughts lately too, as you know, but they are just thoughts like, "I wish I could drink moderately and I wish I was 5'10 and 135 lbs and looked like Cindy Crawford." Neither one of them have any likelihood of happening, so they aren't threatening.

    Now, winning the lottery, that's a real possibility!

  2. Sorry to hear that the beast is poking you in the head with it's ugly paws. I think what you said about complacency is bang on. I read a few other blogs and forum posts with the same motif - sitting back and then soon after wondering why it is that the voice starts getting louder. For AA cats like me, that is why I need to work with others, go to meetings, pray, meditate, etc. or else the voice gets REALLY whiny. You're also right about that first sip of wine turning into a no-holds barred full on rage fest from the beast. Best to leave sleeping dogs lie. Get rest, have fun with hubby. :)

    Love the post.



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