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Ugh. I screwed up. I've done this before, spent money too fast on things that I regret later, but I thought I had moved past that.
I was wrong.
Last night, I got on the scale and it hit a number that no woman who is a mere 5'4 1/4" tall should ever see. I'll be honest, I'd been expecting it. I've been eating crap like a PMS'ing woman on death row. But when I actually SAW the number I freaked out. The hubs has been telling me that maybe I needed some kind of enhancer to help me lose weight. I know better. I know there is no magic pill. I knew I was reacting...
BUT I DID IT ANYWAY. I grabbed the car keys, jumped in the car and ran to Target where I spent $53 big ones on Alli. Yes, you heard me correctly...Alli. Alli of the gross side effects. Alli of the pull it off the market because of those side effects and then put it back on the market when the hype dies down. Alli of the "this only works when used in conjunction with a diet low in fat and a solid exercise plan". But I wasn't thinking clearly. I was VERY upset and in need of something I could hang my hope on.
I needed hope.
But I failed to do what I ALWAYS do, what I'm KNOWN for doing.
I didn't Google it. Damn it...I Google EVERYTHING.
What I got was a blue pill that will, apparently, leave me with orange underwear and shopping in the adult diaper aisle because of "leakage". What the fuck is "leakage"? Never mind, I don't want to know. I just want to return it. One problem, I was so excited that I opened the package, opened the bottle, set everything up and even left the books that explain the process with the hubs to read. I don't think I CAN return it now, but I'm sure as hell going to try. If...
...If the hubs gets my text about digging the Target bag out of the trash so that I can pack everything back up and return it to the store. (I think I left the receipt on my dressing table...or is it in the bag...or is it in my dressing table draw? Oh shit. No...no shit...that's why I want to take it back. Ewwww this is too gross even for me to discuss). We do not have $53 laying around to be wasted on stuff like this.
I hate it when I do stuff like this. Now I have to look at the hubs and apologize for wasting money we don't have when I know...I KNOW how I'm supposed to lose weight. It's a simple equation - Calories in < Calories Out + Calories Burned. But I ignored all that and went rushing out to piss away our hard earned money. Now I have guilt AND I've awakened that bitch that lives in my head who is cranky and has A LOT to say about this situation. I hate her but when she's right...she's right.
Damn.
Namaste
OMG, I tried that stuff! It did in fact make me "leak" orange oil...so gross :X I had to shampoo the front seat of my car...how's that for TMI? Ha! I'm sorry you wasted your money on it, but I tend to do that same things. I ordered pro-active the other day when I was freaking out about a break-out..it's got all kinds of bad crap in it too :X At the end of the day we are human. Sometimes we freak out and buy stupid crap lol.
ReplyDeleteWell, at least you stopped yourself BEFORE you used it and had to go out and buy the adult diapers, too.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...good point!
DeleteCan't you take it back? I am the pmsing crazy woman on death row right now and I almost sent you a picture of my horrific break out...I really don't think it's our oil wash though! Really!
ReplyDeleteGosh, I still haven't found the courage to step on the scale... I just DON'T want to face the fact. Reading about you getting on the gave me anxiety hahaa
ReplyDeleteI tried that Alli too some years ago, those pills made noooo difference on my weight what so ever.
Don't feel guilty! I know it's easier said that done, but DO NOT walk around with guilt. Just face the fact that you did what you did, then there's nothing more to it. It's in the past, you can't change it so let it go. And be kind to yourself.
Now I'll admit, that I am the constant seeker of the magic pill! I'll try basically anything that will not cause an addiction. But I don't look for something that'll burn calories, I look for something to kill my apetite. The other day I ordered some new stuff that might just kill my apetite, I'll see how that works out.
E V E R Y O N E knows that one is supposed to eat healthily and exercise, yet I just can't stop giving in to those magic pills with the hope that one day I will find it hahaa
Take it back. Take it back. Take it back.
ReplyDeleteAnd then. We need to firm up our plans for our face to face talk fest.
Being hard on yourself is not going to make you thinner. No pill is going to change what makes you eat more than you should (take it from me, the two bowls of ice cream woman) we have to change our comfort. Blindly eating is just like getting hammered. While you're doing it you tell yourself it's fine, it's OK. And then you get the pleasure of beating yourself up the next day when your jeans are tighter again.
I'm going to come up with a plan for us to stop the crazy. I'm totally sick of it too. And I sure don't need twenty some years of two bowls of ice cream.
I'm 5"4' and a half. We are almost the exact same height! How cool! :)
xoxoxoxo
Hugely honest post - whatever you do this post says a great deal about you - so I wouldn't beat yourself up so much about it. You didn't hide it, and hide using it. You've confessed it etc. All good stuff
ReplyDeleteTarget usually never bats an eye when I return something. As long as I have the receipt (which I think they don't even need if you charged it), they tend not to care if it was opened.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of when Olestra first came out in chips and people were having similar problems if they ate too much. Did the internetz say the leakage still happened even when the low-fat diet was followed? If not, I can see how this plan might be especially motivating and effective to kick start a lifestyle change. I can also see how this is a risk you might not want to take.
You are so gifted as a writer. I was laughing (while I related to every single word of it) out of my chair. Fall in love with you. That weight will drop. At least that has been my experience. BTW: You didn't screw up, you grew. It's not a straight path from A to B. (Except in 7th grade Algebra) Hang in there. Hugs from a girl that's been addicted to everything (ok gambling,not gambling, never did that one) ... (like that gives me some credibility or something—to mention that last line) big love, lisa
ReplyDelete