Monday, September 2, 2013

Bumps in the Road



I have a feeling this blog may become ALL about clean eating for the next six weeks or so so if you're bored by all of this, you might want to go ahead and click the little x in the upper right hand corner...now.

I have some observations to share and a confession of sorts..since we're being brutally honest and everything and...well...it's how I roll.  Plus, how the hell can we learn anything from each other if we don't share...warts and all?

My friend had a cookout yesterday and asked me to bring something sweet.  Yes...you read that right and yes, she knows about my Whole 30.  She did give me an out by saying, "I'll totally understand if you don't want to do it."  But me, being the people pleaser I am said, "Of course I'll bring something sweet!  It's fine!  No worries."  After all, I bring wine to parties all the time and don't have any problems at all.  Mistake #1.

Of course I've been sober 3 1/2 years and on the Whole 30 um...21 days.  Yeah.  AND I decided to make an pineapple angel food cake (which by the way was made from a box mix and a large can of crushed pineapple and topped with cool whip - I took a small taste of the batter - it was the worst thing I've ever tasted...so many chemicals and artificial crap...yuck) and then I did the dumbest thing ever..I made my uber chocolate brownies.  These brownies are frosted and topped with milk chocolate chips that are all added while the brownies are warm so it's all melty and shit.  Mistake #2.

I am such a dumb ass sometimes.

After my healthy and wonderful breakfast yesterday, I got very busy doing this and that and so I didn't sit down to a proper meal the rest of the day. Mistake #3.

I ate fruit for lunch and a piece of grilled chicken breast.  Then I ate one of the uber chocolate brownies. Mistake #4.

At the cookout I had one lettuce wrapped chicken taco - one because that's all there was that I could eat. She had lots of chips and dip (the guac was really good), they made homemade ice cream and mojitos.  I spent the evening playing with the only child present, who was a particularly precocious 4 year old, in the living room.  I actually had a great time in spite of the fact that I was starving and had developed a migraine-like headache.

By the time I got home I felt like I was getting sick.  I was flushed, congested and the headache refused to go away.  My "bum" knee was aching which I thought was weird because it really hasn't bothered me for a couple of weeks.  I ate a piece of chicken (I keep grilled chicken breasts (we grill them in bulk) on hand all the time) and some fruit and went to bed.

This morning I feel fantastic.  Yes...I can do the math.  Mistakes 1+2+3+4 = feeling like shit.  All of that from not enough calories AND ONE FUCKING BROWNIE.

I mean really?  I am not sick.  I feel great.  I'm not hungry yet this morning because I ate fairly late last evening but I have enough energy to do some yoga and get on with my day.  I am still gobsmacked by how that one brownie impacted my body.  The interesting thing is that it did not wake the beast!  I wasn't craving anything.  I just felt AWFUL.  Maybe it's like when you quit smoking.  If you try to go back that first drag on that cigarette leaves you woozy and wanting to puke.  Of course, after a while you get used to it and before you know it you're off to the races again.

Well I don't like the races.  So I won't be doing that again.  I can't say ever because I don't know about ever but I can say that it won't happy TODAY.  I can only worry about today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

And as for yesterday..that little bump in the road is in the past.  When the guilt and shame come calling I'm sending them to voice mail.  They has nothing to say to me now.

Namaste
"God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try." Mother Teresa

4 comments:

  1. Ok my true confession is that I DO weigh myself and I chew sugarless gum. If I had been standing there with you, I would have had a bite of your brownie....purely as an act of saving you from yourself. ;o) Cuz I am all kinds of martyrish self sacrificing like that!

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  2. My cheat is I have some non fat milk in my tea twice a day as I just can't live without it!
    Oh God I could not resist a brownie if I had to bake a batch - that's just too much.
    Onwards and upwards!
    Carrie x

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  3. Oh I feel your pain. I have a chronic disease that literally makes me very ill if I eat sugar. However, every Friday night I make my husband take me out for a huge Mexican dinner. I get so sick all night and all day Saturday. I eat clean the rest of the week. Why do I torture myself this way? I have no idea. Damn I just can't quit Mexican food.

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