Monday, October 21, 2013

Grateful

There were so many things I wanted to write about today.  They were swirling around in my head and I couldn't decide what the heck I wanted to write until one word popped in my mind...grateful.  All of the things I wanted to write about had the same thing in common.  For each, I am grateful.

I am grateful that I have a husband who doesn't mind listening to me whine and eventually cry about my low self esteem.  After 30 years he still never tires of me saying the same damn things over and over and over and he's still tender and loving when listening.  He knows when I need holding and when it's better to back off and let me process.  Because of that, I was able to work through some shit this weekend and I feel infinitely better about it today.  I love you honey.

While I'm not necessarily grateful that my 18 year old twins got tattooed over the last couple of weeks, I am infinitely grateful that they think enough of me to have sought advice about where to go and what to get and where to place it on their bodies.  They listened when I told them that what they wanted at 18 might not be what they (or their future employers) want at 32 (or 52 for that matter...just sayin').  That while their chosen profession now might allow for ink, what they end up doing later in life may not.  Fact is...they are 18 and can really do what the hell they want so maybe grateful isn't exactly what I am...maybe it's relieved.

I'm glad that this tattoo journey with my boys has brought me to a good place about my wrist tattoo (don't judge...I didn't get my first tattoo until I was 45 and I asked my family's permission before I did it).  It's time to move forward.  I don't for one single second regret getting my sober date on my wrist.  It was what I was supposed to do at the time.  But in my heart I knew that one day I would either have it removed or covered up with something else.  Not because I thought I would drink again (by the time I got the tattoo I already knew that wouldn't be an option - if I chose to drink it would have been a relapse and I would have had to do it all again) but because I knew...no, I felt...that the time would come to stop looking back at what I was and stand present in the moment and embrace who I am.  This is that time.

They share DNA and now they share ink.
So I've decided on something girly (flowers or some such) to cover the actual numbers with the words, "be still" underneath.  "Be still" is from Psalm 46:10 (Be still and know that I am God) as well as to remind me to just be quiet and shhhhhhh...  It calms me and reminds me that I'm not in charge.  

I'm grateful to be of service.  Paul, over at Message in a Bottle, put out a request for a letter writing campaign.  If you haven't seen it, you can read about it here.  I jumped at the chance to help.  I jumped to be of service to him.  If you haven't tried it, it's the greatest feeling in the world to do something for someone else, especially for another recovering alcoholic.  So while I love you Paul and would do anything to help, know that this was as much for me as it was for you.  Thank you for asking - it was truly my honor.

I'm grateful that Fall has finally found its way to the Carolinas.  It's about damn time.

I'm grateful for this blog and this blogging community and all of the true friends I've made here.

Dear God...Thanks.

Namaste

 

3 comments:

  1. Grateful is always a good thing to write about, I know whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed it helps to "be still" and just think of how grateful that I am now able to handle all of these "blessings in disguise" that God feels the need to bless me with. I think I must have had a backlog from all those years I just drank instead of faced what needed to be faced.

    Bless you for writing a letter, I did too, I have a feeling he's going to have to hire a u-haul to haul all the support in to court. He's earned it.

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    1. I hope so! Putting him in an actual jail would be such a colassal waste of resources.

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  2. Oh Sherry! Gratitude is something that I can relate to, especially now...lol.

    I love gratitude lists. I don't do enough of them for myself, but I love reading other people's, as I get tired of saying the same things about what I am grateful for (family, work, house, friends, sobriety, etc) even though I AM grateful to death about them. And of course I am grateful to you and others for the letters. I am VERY grateful. And don't worry - what you said about it being as good for us as it is for the other - that's the point! I know if sounds bad and all, but we DO get something out of helping others. The happy, joyful feeling carries over into our lives and into our hearts and soul. Sure I love helping others when I can, but I know that no matter what happens, I am still going to feel good about it. So if I work with a drunk and he goes back out - I feel horrible and I wish and pray for him, but I know that I am still sober, and me helping that guy out helped me out too. So don't feel bad. It's a reciprocal thing.

    And that ink on the boys...groovy. I am not a tattoo guy (never had one), but I like what the guys got there. I agree they may not enjoy it 10, 15, 25 years down the line (or their bosses / wives), but hey, it's their body. We did enough damage to ours with our drinking - a little ink is nothing compared to that...ha ha.

    Thanks again for your helping me. I truly appreciate it. :)

    Have a glorious day!

    Hugs and love,
    Paul

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