Monday, December 16, 2013

It's Official...I'm Getting Old

Notice I didn't say that I am old.  Because I'm not.  And I will never be.  I am the coolest, hippest, youngest mom/grandma on the planet and I plan to stay that way for-fucking-EVER and you can take that to the BANK.

But I am noticing changes and this one hurts most of all.  It cuts me to the core and leaves me raw and bleeding on the road of life.  This is the cruelest, most inhumane, beastly sign of getting older and I'm not sure what I'm going to do or how I'm going to handle it.  It's just too painful.

It's not the post menopausal weight gain.  I've made peace with these 40 extra pounds.  If they are insistent on sticking around well then so be it.  But I'm not letting them kill me.  I'm dedicated to being a carb-less carni/herbivore that will keep my blood pressure and cholesterol/tryglycerides in check and therefore keep me healthy.  I'm committed to 10,000 steps a day and anything else that will keep me active and vital.  So if those extra pounds like me all that much...I guess we can co-exist.

It's not gray hair because I don't have any.  Yep, 52 1/2 years old and no gray hair.  It's genetics so I don't take any credit for it.  I still color my hair though.  My actual hair color is the blahest, dowdiest, light brown you've ever seen.  I hate it.  So I color it and it's a different color every 6-8 weeks which is fun and hip.  But it's not because it's gray...because I'm on trend!!!!  Right!  Yes...just nod.

It's not that I can't hear or can't remember anything (because I've never been able to remember anything), or that my teeth are falling out or that my knee aches from too many aerobics classes for too many years on hard floors with the wrong shoes.  No...that's not it.

It's because I've lost my passion for SHOES!

Look away...I'm hideous.

I am a shoe-aholic and, up until recently, damn proud of it!  I still love shoes - I haven't totally lost my fucking mind - it's just that recently I've begun to get uh...more...um...sensible about the shoes I buy. (Wait...I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.)

The shoes I'm buying are still on trend but...uh...gulp...the heels are lower; the toe box is roomier; the colors are more neutral than my usual "POW".  They are more...ugh!...COMFORTABLE!  And I'm seeking them out!  I'm buying them ON PURPOSE.  It's not like I buy a pair of stilettos and accidentally happen upon a pair that is actually comfortable (I do have a couple of pair like that).  It's that I insist on comfort before I buy them!

No more, "I'll break them in," or "they'll probably work with a pair of tights", or "my toes aren't THAT squished".  No, now it's all, "Nope...too tight," or "Nope...can't feel my pinky toe," or the worst..."Nope, the heel is too high!"

Wait...I'm feeling faint.

I'm the girl who spent six weeks on crutches and still wore one high heel every day!  I had to replace all my shoes after the cast came off because one heel of each pair was worn down more than the other.  For reals people...I was serious about my heels.  I used to teach for eight hours in four inch heels and then walk to dinner with colleagues in the same shoes.  Change shoes for dinner?  What do you think I am?  OLD?

Yes...sniff...I am.

And to prove to you how bad this is...I want to introduce you to my most recent shoe investment...


See...told you it was bad.

Sigh...

Namaste

18 comments:

  1. Giggle- I am a fellow 'vintage-aged' shoe lover- But I've never been able to do high heels for any event requiring more than shuffling 40 feet between the car letting me off and the dinner table. Instead, I have probably the world's largest collection of tres chic pointy-toed flats.

    Your latest purchase looks perfectly yummy for cold and snowy days- but I'm going to be seriously worried if you start wearing them with dress clothes!!

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  2. Hey! Those Uggs are comfortable. I am pretty hip myself (I think) and I am typically wearing a pair of Converse or New Balance tennis shoes. I am not a stilettos girl, nor will I ever be, but comfortable can be hip!

    And, while 52 is FAR from old, I think it is worse to dress younger when your older than dress older when your younger. That's just me :)

    I bet you look fabulous!

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  3. My stilletto days were over a decade ago and I'm only 2 years older than you. I want everything in my life to be comfortable now because my life is anything but. I put my jammies on after work...that's how OLD I feel lately.

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  4. Hilarious!! I was seriously, seriously considering a pair of Uggs this year. Being comfortable is hip (even for us 34 year olds). Ha. :)

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  5. You are the hippest about - trust me. We've bought a pair similar to them, but brown, for my daughter... my 18-year-old-most-wear-the-trendiest-thing-this-week daughter. Trust me these are more hip than 6 inch heels

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  6. You are so cool. You are Tom Brady cool, he also wears UGGS, and he is the coolest guy in the NFL. (According to me anyway)

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  7. I never understood the women and shoe thing ever. So I bow out of this one ;)

    Paul

    P.S ya ain't old. You're just better :)

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  8. I guess I was born an old soul because I've never been a shoe fanatic. Don't tell anyone, but I've never spent more than $70.00 on a pair. No wonder I've never found a comfortable pair of high heels, huh?

    I've struggled for years wondering what was wrong with me, why wasn't my closet stocked, as all my friends were, with shoe boxes with descriptive magic marker descriptions facing front? Oh well, I guess now I'll finally fit in with my aging peers. lol

    I've missed you.

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  9. Never been a high heel addict. Seriously, I'm over 6' in bare feet! So the Uggs are looking pretty sexy to me :)

    I too, was completely grey free until one month before my 53rd birthday. And then I just laughed. It was a good run while it lasted! I hope yours lasts longer!

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  10. Next it will be Birkenstocks with socks! Lol

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  11. Mmmmm, I'm not a shoe girl, and have never worn heels. But I hear you on the old thing: went to the eye doctor today and he was all "As you get older" and "You're older now so...." and I was all "Yeesh man. Rub it in." :)

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  12. Oh shut up all of you! I'm 62, I've got you all beat. I haven't worn heels since I had kids 31 years ago. So Sherry you are so NOT old. I don't feel old, at least not too often. I recently let my hair go grey, cut it super short, Jamie Lee Curtisish and bought funky glasses. So, even grey, in flats you can still be fashionable and funky. No more talk about OLD at least not in front of me!

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  13. People, PLEASE for the love of God stop parroting this awful, unimaginative, repulsive slang term;
    I think I just threw up in my mouth! and then to add "a little" to it, surely proves that you heard this tired, stupid little saying on tv or from some teenager and thought it sounded "cool".
    I cannot even imagine HOW one could think that, but there must be SOME explanation for this shite being heard in conversations regularly now, stop, you sound like a parrot who jumps on the dumbest trends.

    ReplyDelete
  14. People, PLEASE for the love of God stop parroting this awful, unimaginative, repulsive slang term;
    I think I just threw up in my mouth! and then to add "a little" to it, surely proves that you heard this tired, stupid little saying on tv or from some teenager and thought it sounded "cool".
    I cannot even imagine HOW one could think that, but there must be SOME explanation for this shite being heard in conversations regularly now, stop, you sound like a parrot who jumps on the dumbest trends.

    ReplyDelete
  15. People, PLEASE for the love of God stop parroting this awful, unimaginative, repulsive slang term;
    I think I just threw up in my mouth! and then to add "a little" to it, surely proves that you heard this tired, stupid little saying on tv or from some teenager and thought it sounded "cool".
    I cannot even imagine HOW one could think that, but there must be SOME explanation for this shite being heard in conversations regularly now, stop, you sound like a parrot who jumps on the dumbest trends.

    ReplyDelete
  16. People, PLEASE for the love of God stop parroting this awful, unimaginative, repulsive slang term;
    I think I just threw up in my mouth! and then to add "a little" to it, surely proves that you heard this tired, stupid little saying on tv or from some teenager and thought it sounded "cool".
    I cannot even imagine HOW one could think that, but there must be SOME explanation for this shite being heard in conversations regularly now, stop, you sound like a parrot who jumps on the dumbest trends.

    ReplyDelete
  17. People, PLEASE for the love of God stop parroting this awful, unimaginative, repulsive slang term;
    "I think I just threw up in my mouth" and then to add "a little" to it, surely proves that you heard this tired, stupid little saying on tv or from some teenager and thought it sounded "cool".
    I cannot even imagine HOW one could think that, but there must be SOME explanation for this shite being heard in conversations regularly now, stop, you sound like a parrot who jumps on the dumbest trends.

    ReplyDelete

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