I posted yesterday about being sick but then took it down. No one needs to know THAT much about anyone else. Sorry to those of you unfortunate to read it.
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Things went very well Friday night. The hubs seemed to have a good time. I eat in places like that all the time for work but he never does so I think it was a really nice change for him. For me...meh. For one thing, I ate too damn much (the dessert was good but definitely overkill), for another...the pangs are still there.
A little clarification here...the pangs are so tiny that they would not be seen by even the Hubble telescope but I still noticed them and they still pissed me off. And made me sad. But mostly pissed. At me. At genetics. At the alcohol industry. At anything. Just pissed.
But that's okay. Being a little pissed off from time to time is good for the soul. It gets the heart pumping, the emotions rolling and the hormones (what few I have left) churning. It reminds me that there are things worth getting pissed off about. Like messing with my family, or injustice, or bullies, or screwing around with my sobriety. Those are the things that I allow to mess with my zen and make me angry. In fact, I'm pretty sure in the "How to Behave Like a Good Human" book (publisher...God) it states that you should get pissed off about shit like that. Because getting pissed inspires you to take action, to do something about that which is pissing you off. Am I right? Hell yeah! Oh..sorry...got a little carried away there for a sec. Carry on.
Of course, it's only good as long as you don't dwell on it too long...as long as you recognize it, review it, feel it, take action if necessary AND THEN LET IT GO.
So I took action. I shook my head, smiled at my adoring husband and ordered dessert. Because there is no greater weapon against being pissed off at alcoholism for me than a good dessert. See, when I drank I never ordered dessert. And, even though it was overkill...I ate it. Then I smiled inwardly because I know I am one badass motherfucking sober ninja lady and wine's got nothin' on me. I got skills and I know how to use them.
Namaste
Love the post. So true you just now know ... But that little voice still there needs to be ignored.
ReplyDeleteGood post and I aspire to be a badass motherfucking sober ninja lady. Priceless, I don't know you but I swear I can hear you saying that right now. I get pissed too when those thoughts pass through, it's good they're just passing through but still...
ReplyDeleteI was watching a tv show the other day and this lady was talking about planning a cocktail party in a this new house she'd had built and a pang popped up then. As in "why did you screw it up for yourself?" I haven't been out with just the husband in awhile, but they sure do push the wine or cocktails on couples. The fancier the restaurant, the more that's true. I very much appreciate your perspective on the pangs. And dessert. I always order dessert out.
ReplyDelete"I am one badass motherfucking sober ninja lady and wine's got nothin' on me."
ReplyDeleteHell yeah!
It's okay to get angry, it's going to happen. You have got to let it out, otherwise it will sit and fester and rot and that anger will kill you, or at least try to. But like you said, once it's out and released, let it go. I picture mine like a river. If I keep it in, it sits stagnant and gets stinky and mucky. If I let it flow and release it, it sails down the river into the ocean ...
Hope you had a good weekend Sherry. xoxo,
Christy