It's Friday!

Early Drinking Days:
It's Friday!!!!  What's on tap this weekend?  Happy Hour in Annapolis followed by drinks and dinner somewhere.  Saturday is a party with friends.  How many bottles of wine should I bring?  I wonder if they'll have enough.  Maybe I should pick up a couple more just in case.  I can always save them for another time if no one drinks them.  I need to be sure there's enough.  Sunday is a champagne brunch followed by a get together at a bar to watch sports.  I really hate Sundays.  Everyone always wants to leave early because of work the next day but I'm not done!  I just want to keep drinking and partying!  I don't want to go home.

Middle Drinking Days:
Oh my God I'm so glad it's FRIDAY!!!  That means that tomorrow is date night!  I hope my mom doesn't mind watching the kids.  I hope the kids don't mind us going out.  Where should we go?  I don't want to go to that little restaurant on the corner...they don't pour enough wine in their glasses.  Why is everyone always suggesting I buy a bottle instead of by the glass?  If I buy a bottle I'll look like an alcoholic!  I don't want everyone thinking I'm an alcoholic.  I have to be careful how much I drink though - I have to be okay for the kids in the morning.  The hubs will want to leave early but we can't go home until the kids are in bed...I don't want them to see me after I've been drinking.  That's okay, I never want to leave when he does anyway.  I love our intimate conversations.  It seems like he doesn't really get going until he's had a couple so getting him out and away from home is important.  It's important to our marriage.  We need this time to connect.  Alcohol helps that happen.

Late (Alcoholic) Drinking Days:
It's Friday but the hubs doesn't seem to want to do date night anymore...he says it's too expensive.  I'm sorry I ever turned the finance stuff over to him.  He's always complaining about how much I'm spending on wine.  So what!  I deserve it!  I work hard for this family so I should be allowed this ONE vice without being made to feel guilty about the money.  Then again...the hubs always says that no one can make you feel guilty...if you're guilty then you feel guilty.  What.  Ever.  Staying home is probably better anyway...we don't seem to really talk anymore anyway.  It's like he's always in a rush to get home.  I feel like I have to rush my wine in order to meet his timetable.  It's hard to get enough...that's why I always need to stop by the store on the way home and pick up a bottle or two.  Doesn't he know that I'm stressed and I need some downtime?  Doesn't he realize that I need wine to help me relax?  Well, at least I can drink in peace at home.  I need time to myself.  The good thing about Friday is that it signals the two days of the week that I can drink really late and not have to worry about getting up in the morning.  Of course I don't want the boys to see me really drunk so I'll have to try and keep it together.  I wonder if I have enough wine for the weekend.  If I buy six bottles at the grocery store I'll get a 10% discount and if I buy the 8.99 bottles, the hubs can't complain.  PLUS that's three bottles for Friday and three for Saturday.  That should be plenty.  Of course, if I keep it to two then I'll have some for Sunday.  God I hate myself.  I'm going to have to get this under control.  I can't drink like this anymore.  I've put on so much weight.  I hate the look in my family's eyes when I put the wine bottles on the counter or in the trash.  But I'll worry about that on Monday.  Monday I'll think about quitting.  For now it's Friday and as soon as I get off work I'll have my blessed glass of wine.  Maybe just one this time?  We'll see.

Early Sobriety Days:
It's Friday.  Oh my God how am I going to get through the weekend without my wine.  This is so hard.  I wonder if it's worth it.  I mean...I'm not really an alcoholic am I?  It's not like I can't quit.  Look at how well I've done so far.  It's been XX days and I haven't touched a drop.  I just wish the weekend weren't so hard...especially Friday.  There's something about Friday that just makes this whole sobriety thing hard.  But I've come so far.  I'm doing so well.  My family is so proud of me.  They are so encouraging.  I can't let them down.  Okay...I'm not going to drink today.  I'll reevaluate tomorrow but tonight I'm just going to go home, meditate and practice yoga.  Then I'll settle in with the hubs.  In fact, let me call him and get him to pick me up some chocolate.  Those little Hershey's block things will be good...the one's with almonds and toffee.  Okay...I'm better.  I can do this.  I can do anything.

Present Day:
I am so freaking glad it's Friday.  And I have nothing planned with weekend except to be with my family.  I think I'll cook for them.  I have some new Paleo recipes I want to try.  In fact, it's Superbowl weekend so I think I'll try my hand at some wings.  I wonder if everyone will be around this weekend?  They're all going in different directions these days.  It's hard to keep track.  I miss when they were little.  This whole empty nest thing sucks ass.  But I'll get through it.  Especially now that I'm sober.  I can deal.  Thank God I'm sober.  I am so blessed to be an alcoholic.  I am so blessed to no longer have the voices chattering away in my head.  I am so blessed to have the quiet.  Speaking of quiet, I think I'll try my new meditation bench that Brian made me tonight.  It was so sweet of him.  I also need to do some yoga.  I just feel so centered and whole when I do that.  We were supposed to do date night tonight but, oops...I forgot.  So we've decided it will be a monthly thing rather than a bi-weekly one.  I'm just such a homebody now.  There's such peace and contentment in my head and in my home...I don't need to be anywhere else.  I love Friday.

Namaste