Monday, August 20, 2012
Musings on a Monday
Look what was waiting for me on my desk when I came to work this morning. Forget the fact that I've been working with this team for over two years. Since I'm now "officially" a full time employee of this company, they took the time to mark the occassion. See why I wanted to work here?
My group didn't know I started Jenny this morning, hence all the candy and potato chips. But that's okay, I have a house full of teenagers that will make short work of all of this. What really, really touched me was the Diet Pepsi. Everyone here is a Coke or Diet Coke drinker so for them to take a minute and get me my soda was really sweet.
I've spent the day filling out forms and enrolling in benefits. High quality, boring banker benefits. Thank the Lord! We cut the cost of our family benefits by over half and increased the quality of coverage by about 99.9% (That's actually not much of an exaggeration.) As soon as I did the math I had to text the hubs and tell him. It's been such a struggle these past couple of years and it was very nice to text some really good news. And even though it was crappy, I know we were fortunate to have any health insurance during that time...but it sure is nice to have the good stuff again. Retin A Micro here I come!!!!
However, it doesn't go into effect until 10/1...so I'll be purchasing a butt-load of bubble wrap in which to wrap my boys for the month of September.
As I was driving to work this morning, I was thinking what a great excuse this would have been to get a good drunk on. In fact, since I had been on vacation Thursday and Friday of last week, I could have really (would have really) gone on a bender. A perfect excuse to just drink the whole damn weekend into oblivion. There was even a cookout at a friend's house yesterday where beer and wine were flowing. I could have partaken and gotten a good buzz for free!
To be very honest, there isn't a bone in my body that wants that. There is absolutely no craving or want to stop and buy a bottle of wine (or three) on the way home from work so that I can "celebrate". I just want to leave work and go home to my family, retreat to my room for a bit to practice yoga and meditate, and then spend the rest of the evening sober and with them - present and not up in my room alone with my mega glass of wine and HGTV.
Then, around 10:00, I want to crawl into my comfy bed with the nice clean sheets I put on this weekend and fall into a quiet slumber. No night sweats. No 4 am wakeup unable to go back to sleep. No sweaters on my teeth. No hangover the next day.
Just a quiet, peaceful night next to the man I've slept next to for going on 30 years, with my children snoring away in their rooms, secure in the knowledge that BOTH of their parents are home, sober and ready in a moment if they need us...even at their advanced age.
Have a nice evening everyone.
Labels: alcoholism; recovery; motherhood; addiction; women and alcoholism; aa; clinical depression; do i have a drinking problem; am I drinking too much; coping with motherhood, recovery; alcoholism; moms; motherhood; depression; women's issues; growing older; middle age; women in their 50s; empty nesters