Wednesday, October 2, 2013

San Francisco on One Introvert a Day

I'm back in San Francisco this week and I still love this city to pieces.  No matter how many times I visit, I never get sick of this part of the country.  In a's glorious.  Even if people are a little, um, different.  Then again, I probably seem very, um, different to them also.  Touche.

Last time I was here my beast snuck up behind me and bit me on the ass.  It was surprising and knocked me a little wonky.  This time?  Not so much.  Not one alcohol craving and not one sugar craving.  Part of that is the detox and the fact that sugar is no longer one of my major food groups and part of it is that I've said "no" to offers of drinks and parties after work.  It's working out great.  I'm walking and getting my 10,000 steps in (which in this city is can walk EVERYWHERE here and feel relatively safe), eating well (yay Whole Foods four blocks away) and, sleeping okay.  I'm also listening to my inner introvert and taking good care of her.

After all this time on the planet and almost four years sober, I'm finally realizing that I'm not the party animal I thought I was.  People...that's kind of a big fat hairy deal.  I really fancied myself quite the party girl "back in the day".  I could drink almost anyone under the table and was quite proud of that fact.  I was always the one who wanted to keep the party going just a little bit longer.  I loved to dance.  I loved to get dressed up.

Shit, let's face it...I loved to drink.

So now that I don't drink, I'm seeing myself through a different filter.  I've "reduced noise" on the picture of myself that's in my head.  (I love that option in Photoshop and I love what it's called.)  In doing so, I've uncovered things I've always known but tried to hide because I thought I'd be labeled a dud and never be invited to the party all the cool kids were going to.  And to not be invited would be the worst thing EVER.  Even if I think all those cool kids are full of shit and pompous as hell, they have to like me.  Right? actually.  They don't have to like me.  At the tender age of 52 years old, I've finalized realized that it's okay if everyone doesn't like me.  It's fine.  I won't die if everyone on my floor doesn't find me captivating.  If everyone with whom I come in contact isn't drawn to me like a moth to a flame, the world will keep turning and I will still be one of the most blessed woman on it.

Sooooo...bless me reader for I have is my confession.

I don't like cocktail "receptions" where you drink and make small talk with people you would never be friend's with in real life and who you don't give a rat's ass what they think. I never did - I just went for the free booze. 

I don't like work dinners where you're stuck with people you barely know for 2-3 hours.  I never did - I just went for the free booze. 

I don't like loud, crowded parties where you talk to people you barely know and can't find your best friend who's also the host because she's trying to keep everyone happy.  I never did.  I went to support said friend and usually ended up in the kitchen cleaning and drinking rather than partying and drinking.  If there were kids present at the party, I would put down the wine and go play with them until their bedtime...then I'd get my drink on.

I don't really like entertaining anymore.  I used to throw big parties that cost a lot of money because it was an excuse to drink in my home and not have to drive.  I give good party but now...not so much.  I'd much rather invite my close friends over for dinner on Sunday.  Or have them over for a cookout in the summer where everyone brings something and we all just sit around and talk.

I don't like having to go out after work.  I used to want to go out to dinner every night because I didn't drink at home and so the only way I was going to get my booze fix was to go out.  I prefer staying home.

Am I boring?  Maybe.  But I'm an introvert.  And in spite of all the ups and downs of life, the anxiety that pops up from time to time, the stress of daily living and all that other shit that comes along, I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life.





    I may also need something about memory power if I told you about this already. I embrace my introvertness. With big open arms.

    And once again, I agree with all that stuff you said.


    1. I haven't seen this before...I've added it to my Amazon wish list. Can't wait to get to it!

      First I have to get through a drunk book I'm reading, then a new Harlan Coben book I've downloaded and then a book on dealing with narcisissts so I can deal with my niece who's moving to Charlotte.

      THEN I can get to the introvert that is me.


  2. So I need to ask, when you have a cook out, or people over on you serve alcohol to your guests?
    Our house has always been a no alcohol zone and my hubs never wants to have parties because he thinks no one really wants to come because they can't drink here. I think thats awful and I hope thats not the case. Our house isn't the swinging fun place that some of theirs is.....and I am ok with that! I love my peaceful calm home that is full of laughing and good conversations. I don't know how to bridge the gap here between our non-drinking selves and our drinking friends.

    1. We do serve alcohol...well, beer and wine. But most people only have one, maybe two beers or glasses of wine. It doesn't bother me when others drink and I use wine when I cook sometimes and it also doesn't bother me.

      Our house isn't the swinging fun place it used to be either. I'm really happy about that. When we do Sunday dinners with friends (which we haven't done in FOREVER), sometimes there's wine or beer and sometimes there's not. No one ever gets drunk and if my kids have to see someone drink, I'd rather they see normies do it than me.

      I don't think you need to bridge that gap. If they love you, they'll come on over whether there is booze or not because it's about you. If they only come when you serve alcohol, then it's about the booze and not what you really want anyway.

      I would love to come to your house for a cookout. We could think up some great Paleo recipes together!!!


  3. I can def. relate to this--getting used to loving my alone time again.

  4. An interesting perspective from Brian....if you spell the word "socks" it is the spanish equivolent of "it is what it is...Eso si que es.... I love you baby...introvert and all...

  5. Happiness is the Universe's way of saying, "You're on the right track!" From one introvert to another, i salute you!


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