Random Thoughts on This Time of Year

What is it about this time of year that leaves normies and addicts both with their panties (or boxers) in a wad?  We're supposed to be all Peace on Earth and instead we're all get-out-of-my-fucking-way-I-need-that-toy-for-my-kid.  Why do we take what is supposed to be about love and caring and turn it into a shit storm of agony and angst?

I have no idea but I do have some thoughts....

I don't give a fat rat's ass how you greet me this time of year...just that you do.  If you're Jewish wish me Happy Hannukah.  African American?  Joyous Kwanzaa (if you celebrate Kwanzaa).  Plain old Christian?  Merry Christmas always works.  And if you're conflicted just say Happy Holidays.  They're all just a way of saying get-out-of-my-fucking-way-I-need-that-toy-for-my-kid so who cares?  Just kidding.  They are all a way to say, "I care about you".  Let's not take ourselves so seriously okay?

I am well aware that my ample ass and my sugar levels are not in need of Christmas cookies.  I am also aware that I like them and I therefore will be baking them so put that in your Christmas pipe and smoke it.  They will not be vegan, or gluten free, or sugar free.  There will be no carob or agave or stevia used in my cookies.  I will be baking the plain old chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin with the occasionally Snickerdoodle thrown into the mix (as well as Monkey Bread...can't forget the Monkey Bread...my grandchildren would kill me) and those funny little peanut butter things with the Hershey's Kiss or miniature Reese's Cup smooshed down on top.  I will not be stressing about making the most recent Pinterest concoction that looks like Santa's sleigh and all nine reindeer complete with presents and Rudolph's red nose that sings to you and tastes like Heaven has melted in your mouth.  Pinterest does enough to make me feel inadequate the rest of the year, I don't need it kicking my ass at Christmas.

There will not be bows on my packages...get over it.  I hate those little fuckers that come in the bag, are all squished and bent and refuse to stay stuck on my gifts no matter how much freaking tape I use to stick them there!  There was a time that all my wrapping paper, bows, tags and ribbon were all coordinated.  Bows stayed stuck, ribbon slipped elegantly from packages when being opened and names were clearly visible on each tag.  Then I had children.  Now I use Dollar Store ribbon and write on the self-sticking tag with the nearest Sharpie (so it won't get erased) no matter what color it is.  Guess what...NO ONE CARES!  If they are kids they're too busy tearing into the damn thing to notice the freaking paper and if they're adults they're thinking, "Who the hell is she trying to impress?"  I love you.  I bought you a gift.  I did wrap it even if it's not perfect.  We cool? 

I will be watching "It's A Wonderful Life" this Christmas Eve like I do every Christmas Eve.  I will cry.  It's sappy...so WHAT?  It has sentiment.  I like sentiment.  This is the time of year when a Publix commercial can make me cry (it's a grocery store) not to mention Hallmark and Budweiser...don't even get me started on THOSE.  I'll also cry when Frosty melts and when Linus gives his speech and when Bing unwraps his knight on a horse.  Then I'll laugh at the Griswolds and Ralphie and that little dog that loves the Grinch in spite of the fact that he starts out a real asshole.  It's part of tradition and if you don't like that stuff it's okay too!  But I do so back the hell off.

And I will put cookies and milk out for Santa.  Because he still comes to our house.

Because we BELIEVE.

Namaste