Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Day 3 of "The Experiment"
Thanks to everyone for all of your kind and supportive comments regarding this next phase of tackling my demons. I've read about all I can read (Whole 30, Potatoes Not Prozac, Stop Your Sugar Addiction Today, The Paleo Plan, etc.) and guess what? They all basically say the same damn thing to me.
I need to get sugar and most carbohydrates the hell out of my diet.
I've known this for a long time (like I knew I needed to quit smoking and drinking...duh) but I've been igorning it, trying to moderate, trying to make it work my way. Guess what else? I suck at this making it work my way thing. Yeah...like I didn't already know that. Geez...
Anyway, for some reason that I can't figure out, this time is different. Just like it was when I finally walked away from cigarettes and chardonnay...this time my heels are dug in and I'm going at this thing.
Here's how I know...
The withdrawals that I'm feeling and the things that I'm going through are EXACTLY the same ones that I experienced both with nicotine and alchohol. I think I'm a pretty logical woman. I'm know I'm a smart woman. I can do that math.
This morning I woke up and found myself seated firmly on a pink cloud. Haven't been there in awhile but I sure as hell recognize it. That feeling of feeling good not only physically but psychologically as well. Being proud of what I'm doing and knowing its the right thing.
Even though my pants were way too tight this morning, I didn't say one negative thing to myself or about myself. It is what it is and it won't be that way long.
While I'm not sure I can grasp "forever" yet, I know I can do this for 30 days and I'm only promising myself those 30 days. I'll reasses later.
I hit my "rock bottom" when my scale hit numbers I've never before seen. I didn't cry (which I usually do), nor did say, "well fuck it - might as well eat another bag of chocolate chips". Instead, a feeling of resolve came over me and I began to plan. When I start planning I know it's a sure thing.
And as if to solidify this whole situation for me - today something happened that made me SURE this was it.
I pack my food very carefully based on what I've learned over the last few days (I need some almonds in the afternoon, two eggs doesn't cut it in the morning, caffeine withdrawal sucks, "splashes" of cranberry juice in the evening wake up the beast and he pesters the shit out of me the rest of the evening) so that there is no reason for me to "slip". This morning I walked out of the house without breakfast, lunch or snacks.
Previously this would have been a "fuck it" moment - but not today. I searched the city (it's a very small city) until I found a restaurant with two boiled eggs and some plain greek yogurt (I skimmed off the fruit and granola and threw it away) so I could have breakfast. I refused to settle for a whole wheat breakfast wrap because I didn't want the wrap. I returned to that same restaurant for lunch and created a salad that was very close to the one the hubs' makes for me. At 4:00 or so I'll go down to the little store and grab some almonds.
And here's the most important part...not once did my mouth water for the pastries, bagels and other "breakfast" foods that are usually found in restaurants. Not once did I crave one bit of it. What's more...I would have gone hungry or bought some almonds before I caved.
So I'm still on track and since I've never made it to day three before, I take today as a huge victory for me.
Now we'll see what happens tonight. Last night I threatened the hubs with the knife I was using to cut up my chicken.
Hubs - "Honey, do you need some help?"
Me (annoyed because he made dinner for everyone else and forgot about me...remember, I'm not rational right now) - "You should probably just walk away and leave me alone right now...I'm armed."
Me - "You know it's me and not you right?"
Hubs - "I got your back babe."
He's a keeper.