Thursday, August 15, 2013
Topping It Off
Not only did I make it through yesterday having to purchase all of my food, but I made it through last evening hosting a hen party where all I served was chips and dip...and wine. I didn't touch one chip (I did lick some dip off a spoon but there were no carbs in it) and I didn't touch one drop. Yay me!
Why? Why is this so okay this time?
Planning. I mentioned yesterday that I plan. I'm smart enough to know that "plan" is just a euphemism for "control" so okay...I control. My rock bottom when I was drinking began with a comment from the hubs followed by a week of planning (when, of course, I drank). I chose a Thursday for my first day sober (1/7/10) and then drank myself stupid for a week (situation normal...all fucked up) until the very last day. On that day, I went to the store and purchased my second favorite wine (they were out of my first favorite - I still regret not going to another store...lol) Cakebread Chardonnay. It was $40 a bottle so it was a real splurge given that I had been drinking away our cash for some time. It was also not the only bottle I drank that night...it was just the last.
I came home and showed my husband the bottle. When his eyebrows shot up I said - this will be the last bottle of wine I ever drink...I want it to be a good one. And that was it. The next morning I woke up (with a hangover of course) and I haven't had a drop since. Stubborn? Persistent? Tenacious? Who cares? Whatever makes it work.
I did the same thing this time. I started reading and research about a week and a half ago (after the scale incident) and then proceeded to try and eat my weight in chocolate - which, as we've already established, is a a fuck load of chocolate. I gave myself free reign to pretty much eat whatever I wanted for that week and I topped it all off with a bag of Ghiradelli milk chocolate chips on Friday, Saturday and Sunday (yes...one each day) in addition to two pieces of cheesecake on Sunday (cheesecake is my favorite dessert in the world).
And then...I was done.
So that's what's different this time. I made a choice so therefore I don't feel deprived. Instead I feel empowered. Instead of hitting "rock bottom", I chose to "top it off". To add that finishing touch before...I'm done.
I'm still not sure what will happen after 30 days...but I know I've taken a step to change my life.